‘Submission’ gets bandied about a lot. Usually, by feminists-so-called. I’ve always found it odd to hear people use submission almost exclusively with regards to marriage. As if our entire lives- not merely just our lives as women- isn’t a liturgy to the art of submission. Do you think most women really want to go about with a steel contraption encasing the wiggling freedom of their mammary glands daily? Fam, no one wants to wear a bra but mans have to submit to the caprices of petty Mother Nature! How about you, do you really want to submit yourself to the grueling pressure of a working week? Does Mournday entice you? I love my job but I still find myself dreading that Monday morning alarm. But, we submit to the system for the greater good. So why does submission bring such a bad taste to the mouths of today’s feminists when it comes to marriage?

Not to be a conspiracy theorist but I’m forced to pause here and ponder, is there an agenda? It seems like the world is in a rabid race to reject anything wholesome. What is so bad about being good?! I went for a book reading over the weekend and I was low-key saddened to see the vitriol levelled, particularly by women, at a character in the book. Her crime? She was allegedly “…too much of a good girl”. And as a result, was “…too two-dimensional”. The ladies had their thongs in a twist, raging over the audacity of a woman to be ‘so good’, to fit so snugly into all the cookie-cut ideals crafted for her by her patriarchal society.

“Women, should be bold, fearless, rebellious, rejecting all of society’s ‘forced’ boxes…”

Buuuut, what if she actually likes those boxes? Oh she can’t? I’m sorry, she likes them because she has been conditioned to like them?

Is it?

And the feminist telling a grown ass woman what to like and what to reject is not the same as the institutional patriarchy telling a woman what to like and what…oh, it’s ok because they’re the same sex?

LMAO. Mmm-kay. #ByeBecky #KoolAidFeminism

Let’s skip the lunacy and return to the discussion at hand. Submission.

So I think there’s certainly an agenda; a determination to reject all that is wholesome. And what is more wholesome than the Bible? The idea of linking submission to womanhood and marriage appears to stem from the Bible, see Ephesians 5:22-33.

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

(So this is what gets everyone panicked. These two verses. Like they’ve not read the next NINE verses instructing a man on how to treat his wife):

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave up HIS LIFE for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing^[a] her by the washingwith water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wivesas their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body.³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Personally, I would take the woman’s charge over the man’s task on any day. God is serious about this love matter and just in case husbands are looking to try Him, maybe you’re thinking He means a Love & Hip Hop type of love, He clarifies Himself through Paul so you know that He is out here in the business of edge-snatching. LOL. He says, “Husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church (you and I btw), and gave up His life for her.” *Shudders*. Oh, that wasn’t clear? By gave up His life, you say, He could mean gave up His spiritual or emotional life? Lol. Ok let me clear that up for you, the Bible instructs “HUSBANDS OUGHT TO LOVE THEIR WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES!”
We love life too much. We, human beings, love ourselves too much. Do you know that even a person desirous of committing suicide automatically, innately struggles at the first instance of drowning because the body is consistently in self-preservation mode? Husbands are charged to prioritise their wives just like we do our bodies. Husbands are instructed to put their wives first even to their detriment. That is to love unconditionally, self-sacrificially, wholly with nothing reserved for yourself, nothing saved for a “just in case”, nothing withheld for a rainy day. That is how God wants men to love their wives.
So why is submission the cause of the great debate? Why is the woman’s submission or lack thereof in a marriage elevated to the greatest trial for all mankind?

Let’s talk about what submission, especially in the context of a marriage, entails. I believe that in a good marriage there are no gender-specific roles. Yes, pastor I said it! Really, think about it. In a relationship, scratch that, in a good relationship, there are actually no roles. Everyone is working for a common goal so we work wherever we are needed and we pick up each other’s slack based on our individual strengths and limitations. Simple. Therefore, it logically follows that in a good relationship submission is a constant, two-way thing. It is an organic and natural expression of our love for each other. Because I love Obi’m I willingly allow myself to follow his leading. I yield to his leadership. And because Obi’m loves me, he submits his own professional wisdom and street sense to my recommendations.

The problem is that a lot of people view submission as a weak thing women who are too soft to stand up to the prevails of life, patriarchy or the dominance of a husband, would do. Those women are considered ‘submissive’, passive, weak.’ Which is rather unfair and frankly, wrong. Why? Because, submission is one of the strongest things anyone can do. It takes all your will power to CHOOSE to let go of your own wisdom and follow the leadership of another. Only a person with self-assuredness and strength of character can do this. Submission is different from passive aversion to confrontation or “for peace to reign”/”I don’t want wahala” mentality. Submission is a deliberate, reasoned and assured decision to subjugate yourself to the dictates of another. The problem with submission in marriage is not submission in itself, it is the characters to whom people are submitting themselves.

Years ago my pastor at Worship Tabernacle then in Belsize Park, said “You cannot submit to a man that you do not respect…because you can’t trust his leadership.” That’s why the Bible didn’t ask women to submit to any man, it said submit to your own husband. Meaning that man whose leadership you have agreed under God and before all men to allow yourself be led by. Submitting to your own husband therefore means that the onus is on you to find someone whose leadership you can indeed trust. Now this doesn’t mean the smartest or the most learned man. A sign, FOR ME PERSONALLY, of someone I can submit to over and over again is a man who is teachable. Simple. A man who is malleable, willing to learn and respectful of my voice. A person who is willing to change and ready to teach me. In other words, that’s a man able to submit. So, because I model or mirror the type of love I receive,  I will in turn submit to this man and follow him as he leads.

So please women do not marry someone whose leadership you know you cannot trust because if you do submission will be incredibly hard for you or just impossible 🙂

I’ll end with this excerpt from Girlfriends in God about meekness. I’ve written about it before but it bears repeating because it really reflects how I feel about the strength of the beautiful concept that is submission:

“The Greek word for “gentleness” is prautes, and suggests a wild horse that has been tamed. Unfortunately, in our modern society, the word “gentleness” is often associated with weakness. However, the Greek word means anything but weak. Picture a muscular steed, proudly holding his head high, poised to move with speed and power, nostrils flaring, but at the same time, under his master’s control. It is the picture of a warhorse under the control of its master. That is a true picture of prautes—gentleness. The same word, prautes, is translated “meek” in the King James Version. When Jesus said He was “meek and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29), He was saying He was submitted to God—mightily powerful but under God’s control.”

When we submit as wives, or as women in relationships, we don’t do it for our husbands or men. The Bible says “Wives submit to your husband…as you do to the Lord”. We do it for God. And we can’t do it to our husbands or figures over our lives…if we don’t know how to or aren’t used to submitting ourselves to God’s will for our lives. Our focus is never on the gift- the partner, that God has given. We don’t let the gift distract us from the God that gives the gift. We can submit to our husbands only because we are first in submission to God. And that’s the most important thing about submission: It is never about us.

PS: This is the same thing a good man faces in submitting to his woman. We’re in this together…so feminists, unbunch your thongs