If you’ve ever wondered how a group of Nigerian twenty/thirty-something year olds banter, look no further than my book club’s Whatsapp group. In addition to giving me potentially the best gift of my life, the Bookclub gives me legit LOL moments daily…and is the reason my battery is failing to achieve great heights. #WhompWhomp. See how the discussion on Pastor Adeboye’s comments on the role of a wife/husband went down…
Felix: So Daddy Adeboye entered the cooking debate?
Adoks: Poverty in the midst of wealth has wrecked Nigerian morals LOL
Felix: Holy trailer will jam him sha
Adoks: What did he say?
Felix: “Don’t marry a woman who cannot cook”
Zubby: Lol
Zubby: Felix Felix
Izu: This cooking thing though
Izu: The validation I’m seeing ehn
Felix: I taya
Adoks: Lol Izu I tire
Felix: I have been unlooking the matter since
Izu: How did we get here so fast?!
Zubby: For me…
Felix: But some people just yield themselves to the queen of the coast
Zubby: *whatever rocks whoever’s boat*
Adoks: !!!! Zubs for the win
Felix: Exactly
Felix: So he shouldn’t have said that
Zubby: I won’t spend even a Joule of energy on that debate
Felix: He also said don’t marry a woman that’s not from the Redeemed Christian Church of God
Zubby: But he’s speaking the mind of many
Adoks: He has a right to state his church’s doctrine LOL
Zubby: Male and female alike
Zubby: I think he has a right to air his views
Izu: Funny thing is, most “I can’t cook and proud” peeps are the same “man should be paying woman and be the head of the family” peeps
Zubby: You have a right to listen or nah
Izu: Choose one house to fight for biko
Adoks: He is even helping everyone else. If people who believe the same thing marry among themselves only, the better for everyone else.
Izu: Yes na, after tearing Redeemed gehs, you goan import for somewia?!
Adoks: Izu, there are hypocrites in both sides. Some men who want a woman cooking/cleaning by herself still expect the woman to shoulder part of the financial burden
Izu: This was a major issue in Catholic Youth of Nigeria years back. Almost tore it apart
Izu: You knack city church geh Arab style, then go village go cari Mary Amaka
Zubby: Mary Amaka still dey reign?
Adoks: To me, these rubbish debates come up because many people get married before comparing their values
Zubby: I thought guys are wiser now
Zubby: Yes. Adoks. Preach
Izu: Because marriage is a validation
Adoks: Marriage is hard enough without two people whose views on life are incompatible, foolishly tying themselves together
Izu: It’s like you are doing the girl a favour by marrying her
Adoks: Yes that’s part of the problem
Izu: But these gyals are heartless o, why won’t you cook for me?
Zubby: And the ladies who think marriage is an achievement
Zubby: Lol Izu
Zubby: Which camp you dey sef?
Felix: Isn’t that the Nigerian way? You rescued her from the shame of being single?
Izu: I dey the sabi cook camp o
Zubby: To me
Izu: Yeah. That’s why she gives testimony in church and we dance to God’s faithfulness
Zubby: Many ladies are better off being single than the shithole of a union they find themselves in
Zubby: And what’s even wrong with being single anyway?
Izu: A lot o. Especially when you have to be eating aboki indomie everytime
Zubby: Society can fall hand sha
Izu: Plus the cold nights. Gosh!!!
Felix: You can buy a battery powered device at Splendours
Felix: Just saying
Zubby: Oshey
Izu: If e no be panadol, e no fit be panadol
Felix: Siddon dia
Zubby: Or you can give a brother/sister a call ASAP
Felix: Women have options
Felix: Go to that place and see options
Felix: Orishirishi
Felix: No need to catch cold
Izu: Still doesn’t quench their thirst
Zubby: It’s never like the original Felix
Felix: They told you this?
Izu: Sprite can’t substitute water
Zubby: No
Zubby: I know
Felix: Let me not talk sha
Felix: ☕
Zubby: Please don’t
Izu: If you like drink one crate of sprite, you wee still look for water las las
Zubby: Who go cuddle am for cold night?
Felix: The warmth comes from the big O please
Felix: Plus the feel good hormone
Zubby: Lol
Felix: This is science
Izu: LOL! They’ll buy dummy and rub essential balm all over, then cuddle
Zubby: And what’s the big O?
Zubby: *asking for a friend*
Felix: O is for Orange
Felix: Ndi ala
Zubby: No vezz
Zubby: Help an unknowing friend out
Izu: How do you peel it? With curve 7 knife?
Felix: Biko I will receive communion on Sunday. I don’t want to go for confession before that
Felix: I’m done talking
Zubby: Them dey peel big O?
Zubby: Wawuu
Izu: Weren’t we discussing marriage?
Izu: And cooking
Zubby: Congratulations guys
Zubby: You’ve won the *Run the Battery Down* contest
Adoks: *Walks in. Sees a group of men authoritatively discussing the intimacy needs of women. Walks out.*
Izu: Any geh that deems me fit for marriage should epp my situation and be cooking for me
Izu: I was told that one of pros of marriage was to be entitled to a variety of home cooked meals
Izu: It appyaz dis pipu didn’t tell me well
Izu: God!!! This is not what you promised your shidren.
Felix: 😂😂😂
Adoks: Next monday is my third anniversary. I can beat my chest and say in those three years, on any day my wife and I have been together, I’ve had 3 homecooked meals…
…I didn’t say who cooked them.
Felix: Lol
Adoks: Food is no biggie abeg. Whoever is free cooks
Adoks: Like now, my wife is heavily pregnant, working, and we have a toddler. That kitchen is mostly mine lol.
Izu: Food isn’t a biggie, cooking is (at least for me)
Izu: I am not crying not cos “man”, but cos can’t cook
Izu: Imagine two people who can’t cook in the same wilderness
Izu: https://twitter.com/YNaija/status/760449821408956417
Adoks: 😂 Izu!
Oroma: My head is spinning. What?! 😳
Oroma: Lol
Oroma: Gosh Adoks. I owe you a bottle of whatever you drink
Adoks: Jack Daniels Single Barrel please, or Harp 😆
Oroma: Single Barrel is a fine choice
Oroma: But in this Economy. Harp will do
Adoks: Very grateful for Harp in these days of vandalized pipelines
Adoks: In other news, while Adeboye reminds us of a woman’s place, his mate (the Pope) said:
…The Banter Shall be Continued…
Oh Wendelyn! 
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I shall not state my role in this 🙌🙌🙌
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Wendy, Wendy…. I comment my reserve henceforth. Nice one. 😂😂
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