“Women are not children of a lesser God”

Nigerian media has been awash and citizens agog with the Tiwa Savage and Tunji ‘Tee Billz’ Balogun imbroglio. The celebrity couple have been embroiled in a nasty marital quibble the stuff of which gossip bloggers’ dreams are made. The most entertaining thing I’ve seen on the savage break up (excuse the pun) of their marriage is the headline, ‘Tiwa’s Savage Husband Tee Billz Speaks…” Oh the difference a misplaced apostrophe can make.

I think this debacle highlighted the oppressive stance on marriage many Nigerians will take in spite of education or exposure. Yes, marriage remains one of the most important sacraments ordained by a good God for the purpose of empowering and assisting humanity. Yet, it is impossible that God’s design for marriage should lead to the eventual demise of mind, soul or body. It just doesn’t sound like God. It sounds suspiciously like culture; of the Nigerian variety to be exact.

“…I am dealing with a husband with alcohol problems, I’m dealing with the fact you come home late most nights,  dealing with infidelity, a cocaine habit, your bad debt. I am dealing with a husband who is jealous of his wife’s success.”

– Tiwa Savage

These words from Tiwa and the vitriol she received in response from many commenters, force me to ask:

How much is a woman expected to take in a marriage before enough may be classified as, “Enough!”?

How much is enough for a married woman to take before she stops being told to take every physical and emotional slap and spit to God in prayer?

How much is enough to take in silence before a woman is entitled to share her problems with others, without being accused of shaming her husband?

Please tell me, how much by Nigerian standards is enough to take in a marriage before you’re allowed to leave?

Because from my understanding, it really doesn’t matter what a person deals with in a marriage, the answer for women (ONLY) is always to, “Hold your home. And pray!” Regardless.

I read the things TeeBillz, a half man with a penchant for baby boyism, said about his wife of two years, his girlfriend of about the same time and his friend and business partner for much longer and I was saddened. Tiwa Savage on a good day, even without make up is actually a rather pretty girl. Her husband, in a bid to ridicule and reduce her, finds the sort of photo that one untags oneself from on every social media platform and shares with the world with the caption, “Tiwa when I met her”. Haba! Are you KING JESUS the one that turns water to wine?!

I mean I really knew the depths of TeeBillz’s problems when I read the public message he sent to his father, totally absolving himself of all responsibility for his failure as a husband and father.

“To you Mr. Ibrahim Olatunji Balogun Snr…I tried my best not to be like you but instead of focusing on being a better person I was worried about not acting like you. I reached out and cried to you as my father but all you care about is yourself and your money…I ended up having kids like you by multiple women and my first marriage and only marriage didn’t make it to two years just like the one you had with my mum. Why the f*ck did God make you my father?”

The delusion levels? *Watches Richter Scale explode*.

Still even after Teebillz dragged the mother of his last, baby child down the virtual reality streets accusing her of sleeping with her colleagues, of being incapable of taking care of his needs or her home (the Great Nigerian Disaster: the undomesticated woman *shudders*), of illogical selfishness which drove him to suicidal thoughts, of generational witchcraft to seize his diamond-bright destiny of course and a host of frankly confusing allegations, we encouraged Tiwa to, “Hold your home. And pray!” Afterall, despite being the only one working to retain the lifestyle her husband had become accustomed to, she should still have always asked the 37 year old unemployed baby if he had eaten and what he would eat. Or would she prefer that his mistresses cook for him in her place? Nigerians asked.

Riddle me this, Batman, does the Bible not command that men love their wives as they do their own bodies? That is with an unrivalled, selfless, unconditional, prioritizing love?

Let us be fair to one other.

So many people think both Tiwa and TeeBillz deserve all they’ve gotten from this unhappy, combustible attempt at a marriage, after all Tiwa chose this man herself. We can’t understand why Tiwa married so grossly beneath her. Tiwa who seems sweet, clever enough and rather focused, how did Tiwa marry this llama in a Fila that is Tunji TeeBillz Balogun?

One answer is Faith.

Faith. The world’s singular destructive mechanism.

Faith, an irrational, radical belief in a person, a thing, a concept.

While acknowledging that others warned her, Tiwa agrees that TeeBillz treated her differently from the way he treated others. And that’s the important thing. A man in love can treat everyone horribly, as might be his true nature, even while treating the woman he loves like a cross between a princess and a queen a queencess? And for many women, it’s a great feeling. Worth being boasted of in fact, for how special one must feel to be separated from the pack for special treatment, for unique favour. It must be nice.

The problem is one day in the history of your love, just maybe for one day, the love may shine a little duller…and for that moment, you’ll be treated like everyone else.

If you’re lucky.

For these sort of men, you’re often even treated worse. We should judge people by who they are…not merely by who they are to us. Because, we may not always hold that special key to their heart that entitles us to differential treatment.

And that’s what happened to Tiwa, I think. She wasn’t dumb when she chose to marry TeeBillz. And no, it’s not just about advancing age and societal pressure to marry. TeeBillz treated Tiwa well, no matter how he treated others. We can’t contest the fact that he worked hard for her growth as an artist and she rewarded his effort with talent, discipline and eventually marriage. It makes sense that she might like him. When everyone saw the absolute lunatic that he was, Tiwa may have seen a man willing to work for her success even when no one else trusted her talent. It makes sense that she’d fall in love with him.

So let’s not judge her too harshly. She’s probably judging herself harsher…or just relieved he’s finally gone. Lol.

*Drops Mic*