On Sunday, E! aired the Keeping up with the Kardashians episode titled ‘About Bruce’. It was a two-part series documenting the story of the Kardashian-Jenner–patriarch-of-sorts, Bruce Jenner, and his plans of changing his outer appearance from a masculine, athletic family man…to a woman. I started the episode with the sort of disdain a person who (at worst) has always had a vague assurance of who she is, but ended with a real sadness for this vain family I barely know. We never know where we will learn life lessons but let us take them wherever we find them, if you had told me a group shallow women with questionable morals and unarguable style would give me advice I’d follow I’d have said, “I can see that!”….I just didn’t figure they’d give me good, biblically-supported advice. So here’s some Kardashian wisdom.

1. Happiness is Not a Destination
It’s a very difficult concept and it took me a while to really understand what this means. Let me repeat it: HAPPINESS IS NOT A DESTINATION. A lot of people assume that if they just do this one thing, or if they get this one thing say a new job, or house or car, or boyfriend, or get thinner, or get this one person to notice them, or get into this school, or win this one competition, or _______(fill in the blank), then they’d be happy.

Then, they DO get what they dreamed of and find that actually, not only are their lives- not lifestyle- fundamentally UNchanged, but this new thing comes with new rules and its own challenges which have the potential to make them what? Unhappier.

Oh you’d be happy thinner you say… I hope you factored in everything it would take to keep that weight off.
Oh you’d be happy if only you had a new car….please remember to smile the fourth time some idiot driver scratches it.
Oh you’d be happy if only you got yourself a great boyfriend…please don’t lie awake at night wondering, “if he’s so great, why is he with me…how is he keeping that Juliet his ‘BFF’ off?”

Why is this the case? It’s because happiness is NOT tied to any thing. If you do not deal with the real cause of unhappiness, nothing you buy, use, wear or do will fix that unhappiness or plug that hole of sadness. Here’s the thing, people that think they need just this one thing to complete their happiness…are usually simply unhappy people. I’m sorry to be so blunt but if we have learnt anything from the Bruce Jenner spectacle, it’s that the world needs it’s blunt people desperately! Lol. Happiness has a lot less to do with what happens to you and a lot more with your reaction to what happens. It is not this external thing that you get that suddenly illuminates your inside and changes your world, no, happiness is always a choice. It is a decision to look on the brighter side, to enjoy the journey and stay encouraged because you understand that everything is a lesson and everyday a blessing. It’s actually very easy to be happy…just change your focus.

As I write, I wonder if I’m being hypocritical and if I myself have always been truly happy. I’m thinking back over my life and I’m remembering large chunks of time, the overwhelming feeling for a lot of it is just feeling alive, being in the moment and feeling grateful to be there at that time. Sure you can say, “Well Wendy, you’ve been lucky!” but the truth is, I’ve lost a sister in a plane crash, been betrayed by friends, failed exams, been cheated on, been dumped without notice, not had a crush like me back, been racially harassed, lived in a house without running water and no electricity for months at a time, stayed in a hostel for over a year with rats the size of mature bush rabbits, battled with acne, fought irritable skin, worked a job I hated with colleagues I liked only slightly more…

Each of these factors alone might have been enough to send me into deep unhappiness, not to talk of all of them combined, hell some of them happened simultaneously! I have had good reason to not be happy!

Yet every day, I wake up and I choose to laugh at the small things; silly jokes, a naughty child waving to me across my office’s fence, falling by mistake when I’m trying to give them my best strut etc. The world doesn’t owe you happiness, it doesn’t owe you anything…it was here before you. If you wait for the world to hand you happiness, you “go wait tire!” as we say in Nigeria.

“For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his [or her] happiness on major events like a great job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.”
– Andy Rooney

I really feel bad for Bruce because I fear he might do what many transvestites and celebrities do; he may enter depression and not come out. He feels like becoming a woman will be liberating but I shudder to think what may happen if this thing he has waited 65 years for doesn’t bring him the happiness he has convinced himself he deserves, the happiness he trusts this one change will bring. To pin your hopes on something so monumental and carry it out…only to find out you’re as unhappy as a woman as you were a man….that would be disastrous.

2. “Do Whatever Makes You Happy”
Scott Disick uttered this phrase right after speaking to Bruce and it finally occurred to me why he is named Scott the Sick. Every single evil perpetuated in this world finds its root in selfishness. Everything we do that is wicked; unkind, violent is because at the base we want to satisfy ourselves first. I honestly believe that even a lot of what we term as ‘self-sacrificial’, dig a little deeper and you will find that most people only do certain kind acts to avoid the temper, tears or tantrums of another even if they disguise their actions with lots of colourful words on love.

Yes, I’m cynical. As doubtful as I am of human nature, it hurts me no less every time I realize just how wicked or unkind people are.

DO NOT DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY!! Do what makes you happy, sure. It’s the “Whatever” bit that I take umbrage at. Enjoy your happiness within reason; you do not live in a plastic bubble in the sky. You want to be happy, but do you know what I think of that whole concept of chasing happiness (as though happiness is evasive)? It is actually quite western and the result of over-thinking! Happiness is actually a by-product of living a full life. If you’re busy doing things that are fulfilling, happiness comes easily; it is a natural and organic side effect of being fulfilled. So maybe if you want to be happy that’s what you should change your focus to; doing the things that bring you fulfillment.

“Ever since happiness heard your name, it’s been running through the streets trying to find you.” -Hafiz

The concept of happiness often touted by people in the “Do whatever makes you happy” school of thought is based around this delusion of being so uniquely entitled to happiness as though you alone have done something that makes you so specially worthy to demand happiness, it is a defensive and forceful happiness; a happiness at any cost. A happiness like this can never be true or lasting because it often chokes the peace or joy of another, so it will always be defective. It is wrongly based, founded on the idea that you alone are entitled to happiness, as though that is the entire purpose of your being. It is just as important to be happy as it is to be better, as it is to be useful, as it is to be available, as it is to be important. Just like beauty, we have elevated happiness to this one incontestable standard…this isn’t the best way. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial, the scriptures tell us. Often when we say do whatEVER makes you happy, we’re really saying, “Do what makes you feel good right now!” And off the top of our heads I’m sure we can all think of a couple of things that make us feel good…that serve no useful purpose. E.g., empty flattery.

3. Family Over Everything
That said, I don’t believe the Kardashians are as united as they like us to believe. They sell us a brand of reality they’d like us to believe. Knowing that collectiveness, or should I say Kollectiveness, is the key selling point for their brand, they keep selling us this idea. Regardless, I was impressed by how they all had partners they could share with and how in the end they really defended their father and felt particularly protective of him. Especially Kendall and Kylie, it was very sweet.

I remember Christiana giving me advice once and she simply said, “be careful about taking advice from people with no investment in the outcome of their advice”. And that’s where the power of a family truly lies. Families are often not only tied by blood but by challenges and joys. When one person is suffering, the others are affected whether they really want to be or not because the affected person may begin to depend more heavily on the others for support or sustenance. So it’s usually in the best interest of all family members to ensure that everyone in the family is doing good. It’s an ‘I hurt, You hurt’ type situation when it comes to la familia.

And that’s the power of a family; that collective struggle for a common good… even when there’s vested interest.

I have a couple of lessons to add but I also have a Water Polo match at half 4 so….To Be Continued….