The quote, “Don’t use People and Love Things” is cliché but no less true for being so. The other day while queueing at a supermarket, a conversation I overheard made me wonder how strange we are, the human race; we equate people to things. I was standing behind two pretty friends and couldn’t help overhearing their discussion. OK, I eavesdropped…the gist was sweet abeg free me! BTW, how is it that the line I stand on always moves the slowest, no matter how many times I move?! Anyway, so these pretty girls standing on the queue were debating the merits of a young man another one of their friends had recently met. Now their conversation struck me because…well, I guess it was just the sort of thing I might have said.

Box Braids: “Did Chinelo tell you that Tega’s friend is trying to talk to her?”

Ombre Weave: “Who, the old guy?!”

Box Braids: *Insert sound between giggle and gasp…(a gaiggle?)* “He isn’t old, he’s 37”

Ombre Weave: “Hian! Abeg he’s old. Has he ever married? Is he divorced? *Branches off into long story about why she cannot ever- NEVER EVER NOT EVER!!!- marry a divorcee. FYI the entire reason was based solely on the fact that he’s errrrr divorced.

I almost interrupted them here to say, “Shhhh, let Box Braids finish the story please!” then I realized that they were still called Box Braids and Ombre Weave in my head and were not my actual friends whose names I know.

Ombre Weave: “Me I don’t understand why he hasn’t married since…Abeg me I’m not taking anything that has been on the shelf since oh! I told Chinelo, there must be something wrong with him!!!”

And that, class, is exactly how the process of pouring basins of sand into a small cup of garri works. #Whomp

I tuned off at that precise petty point because something they said really made me think.

When did we begin to equate living, breathing, whole humans to toys that can be used, broken, left on shelves? Who determines this arbitrary age that marks the ‘Left on Shelf’ period? When are people in fact ‘Left on Shelf’; when they are not pretty enough to be played with or when they’re too soft and easily broken…or when no one likes their colour? And perhaps just as important is this, ‘How did we begin to equate the important issue of matrimony to this state of being; that idea that a person after a certain age has passed the point of no return, after which all their advances are looked upon with suspicion.

Why does no one ever think that the child with the capacity to play with the toy on the top shelf just hasn’t entered the store yet? Not to be wishful and I know by now I am sounding like the poster child for single women the world over, but sometimes the reason why a person is still ‘On the Shelf’ might not necessarily due to a fault in them. Wait, wait, don’t roll your eyes at me just yet. Make I land first. Let’s take this toy analogy all the way. So, let’s imagine a specialized toy like a mechanized robot or something. Let’s say that the Manufacturer has made just the one version of this toy, so you can imagine that a lot of time, love and care has gone into its production. However, because there aren’t a lot of toys like this around, all the little kids in this neighbourhood don’t really understand how to play with the toy and so pick the toys that are equally pretty, equally useful…and less complicated or unusual than the robot. So the poor robot feels it must be somehow less beautiful, special or loved than these other toys…not realizing just how special, unique and loved it is to be made one of a kind.

That happens a lot.

Essentially, we view selection for marriage as a contest and the people who are picked first must -logically- be the best of the lot. That does make sense, a lot of sense actually. But, it’s not very realistic. And it certainly isn’t accurate. People get married for a ton of reasons and so if you count people out of the race because they’ve gotten a late start, you might really be missing out on something fantastic. And I’m not just saying this because I’m unmarried and recklessly close to finishing my twenties! Lol. Yesterday night I was talking to one of my favourite people, Anne, and as usual we were talking about some scripture we had read recently that we had begun to see in a new light due to circumstances we’d been through. Now, the way I am is like this, give me room to talk and I shall go on and on…and on…and…ok, ok. So I was practically preaching to the girl when she said, “Wendy now I understand why God will not let you just marry anyone. You have such a Calling on your life and the wrong person will definitely derail your destiny.” God never makes mistakes and God really cares about my happiness, these are two thoughts that always make me feel really confident.

A few weeks ago, one of my three best sisters Anita said the most bemusing thing to me, she said, “People often say that good people finish last…but that’s not really accurate. Sure they might finish last…but sometimes, they finish best.” And that sounds, to me, a much better and more adequate qualifier especially for a long distance journey like marriage.

What am I saying? There is no real formula. People are not toys. Sometimes it takes a while but some things are really worth waiting for.