2014 THOUGH??! Thank you so much God! Seriously, we live in Nigeria…a country where dying is so ridiculously easy it should scare anyone. To make it through to a new year alive, healthy and whole?? Yo, Jeremiah was right in saying, “It is ONLY because of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed!” (Lamentations 23:2).

I’m excited for 2014, for one thing I have never started a year on such an extended holiday! I am still on holiday until next weekend, well away from the manic hustle of Lagos…excuse me for thinking the year just began! *ahem*

2014 is already an amazing year and it is only going to get better. I’m sorry, is my excitement seeping out of these monochrome letters and colouring your vision yet?? It should, I’m so excited to see what God has up His sleeve this year because last year He delighted me. I am really keen on rolling up MY sleeves and getting involved this year, seeing in what capacity I can be of service, putting better balance into my life, opening myself to love and new experiences, finding contentment in myself, loving me a lot more and very very importantly, being happy! I think the mistake too many of us make is thinking that happiness is a destination and so we are always striving to reach this elusive state of joy. I love this Andy Rooney quote on happiness:

“For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his [or her] happiness on major events like a great job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.”

- Andy Rooney

So apt! This a big part of what I plan to do this year.

Last year, instead of beginning with the typical resolutions, I decided to do these “prompts” I found on my friend Christiana’s always entertaining twitter page (@Christiana1987). They were written by Tara Sophia Mohr of the Huffington Post in an old article titled “12 Questions to Make Your 2012 Your Best Year Yet”. I blogged about it last January because it seemed like a logical way to break promises to yourself into tiny, achievable, practical pieces. You know there is nothing I love more than the pragmatic! So off I went, I grabbed my bestie Goz and we sat in a murky car wash and answered our prompts as honestly as we could while some topless men sprayed soapy water on my little red car. (Not as exotic as it sounds I promise you).

At the end of last year, before forcing my mum and sissies to join me in doing this little exercise in prepping for 2014, I sat down to review the desires and resolutions I had written down in that car with Goz for 2013; to evaluate how far I had come in achieving them. Now one thing I really like about this method is that everything on the list is within your power to achieve. You know how some resolutions are just rather impossible because they involve external forces out of your control? Say for instance you make the following resolution, “This year my boyfriend must marry me!” That’s all well and good but I hope you have some battery acid to inject into his skull to make him into a zombie. Too morbid an image? Lol, I need to stop watching the Crime channel. But for real though, you can’t control other people’s actions, emotions or thoughts… all you can do is be the best version of yourself. Often that’s enough to convince people to reveal the best version of themselves…hopefully for some, that best version is their husband-side. 😉

So anyways, Goz and I sat and came up with our different lists of desires for 2013. I’m going to document some of mine on here because, well you know what they say about my party…I can cry if I want to! Plus, I’m so pleased with how far I’ve come!!! Honestly, when you make a conscious decision to make a positive change, its like all of heaven just backs you and roots for you to win. Sometimes you even forget what promises you’ve made to yourself but God doesn’t, He really keeps backing you up even when you don’t know. I’d advise everyone to try these prompts from Tara, 2014 just began and it really could be your best year yet!

The prompts are the sentences that begin with “Because…” So you simply complete the sentence with your resolutions, like I did in December 2012. The words in bracket were written when I was doing my reflection in December 2013.

“12 Questions to Make 2013 Your Best Year Yet
You deserve a rich, joyful 2013, and it is available to you. Grab a journal or grab a friend, and share your answers to these prompts. See what emerges as you explore in this creative way what 2013 could hold for you.

1. Because I wanted to make 2013 count, I…was kinder to myself. (I’m intensely critical of myself, I will second guess my actions, beat myself up and bring myself down even before anyone even has a chance to. I really started affirming myself a lot more in 2013 and be ready, 2014 it won’t stop…if you spot arrogance seeping into these pages just go with the flow! I’m feeling #Flawless these days…thank you Beyonce!Lol)

2. Because fear of failure was no longer a good enough reason to not do it, in 2013 I… made bolder decisions and stuck to them. (YES! I jumped a lot more and prayed that I’d either learn to fly or be given wings. Step-of-Faith advocate here for sure after 2013!#TeamJesusAlways).

3. Because I listened to the whispers inside, in 2013 I… was a lot more confident in myself. (Still working on this one to be honest. Refer to Number 1. 2014 be ready, we’re bleeding confidence. You read it here first ;).

4. Because the things that brought me joy in childhood still do, in 2013 I…was less sensitive…and I started singing, drawing and dancing again. (YES, YES, YES….to everything but dancing really as I was such a hermit in 2013 but 2014….Lagos, are you ready?? Lol, I’m working on divorcing my bed this year…I’m addicted to chilling at mine. HELP ME GOD!)

5. Because simple pleasures are so rich, in 2013 I…indulged myself. (This almost morphed into full blown hermit behavior. Potentially dangerous but I don’t love anyone’s company as much as I love mine. I can think of non-stop fun things to do to keep myself engaged.).

6. Because my body has served me so beautifully all these years, in 2013 I… took better care of it. (For the first time in my life I began and stuck to an exercise regimen! I’m naturally thin, so this year I’m going to eat better and exercise healthier…as my uncle said to me, “…a Nigerian man doesn’t want to put on the light to find his wife in bed!” *sigh*).

7. Because the world needs my service, in 2013 I…was kinder to everyone. So help me God! (Not sure if I achieved this! Haha! But I tried. I’m not naturally a kind person. I will try this again, harder this time, this year).

8. Because of the remarkable people who have loved me and made me who I am, in 2013 I…I treated them far, far, far kinder and was more tolerant of them. (Oh man, I could do soooo much better at this! Especially with my sisters who are my absolute heartbeat! It’s frighteningly easy to take for granted those who love you. 2014, year of improvement so help me God!)

9. Because I am willing to believe in the power of forgiveness, in 2012 I… let things go totally. (Yes I did! And guess what? I didn’t die.)

10. Because the silence had gone on long enough, in 2013 I….made the first move expecting nothing in return…and was okay with that. (Didn’t pan out as planned but so proud I did, learnt some hard lessons on not condoning my own bad behavior, being ok with memories instead of presence, the pointlessness of permitting negativity and the importance of putting yourself out there).

11. Because I am so blessed, in 2013 I…made myself a blessing everyday. (Not sure how well this worked but I certainly tried to be as helpful/useful as I could).

12. Because I wanted, in the last days of my life, to remember this year with tears of gratitude, in 2013 I…chose to find happiness every. single. day. (I did….on most days).

How To Use the Prompts
Write or speak aloud. You can write the end of each prompt, or do this aloud with someone you trust (deep trust there is very important!) and have them take notes on what you say so you have a record of it. Then, switch roles.

Go with whatever shows up first. Go with your first instinct as you complete the statements. Let your intuition lead. If you are writing, keep the pen moving. If you are doing this aloud, complete the sentence on the spot. Don’t get stuck in “thinking about it.”
You don’t have to understand your answers right away. Some may feel surprising or even mysterious. Over time, their meaning will emerge for you.

You don’t have take action on everything you come up with. Be totally playful and creative now as you complete the prompts. Then go back with some distance and reflect on your answers and decide what commitments you want to put into place.

Use the past tense. I recommend that you complete these statements using the past tense, as if you are recounting your 2013 a year from now. For example, you might say, “Because I wanted to make 2013 count, I joined a writing group and started working on my novel” rather than “Because I want to make 2013 count, I will join a writing group and I will start working on my novel.” When we state our intentions as if they’ve already been actualized, we more powerfully train our minds that they will happen. We paint a more vivid vision for ourselves.

-Tara Sophia Mohr

Tara Sophia Mohr is an expert on women’s leadership and wellbeing. She is the creator of the “10 Rules for Brilliant Women Workbook” the free guide for women to own and share their brilliance in the world, as well as of the global Playing Big leadership program. Tara is the author of the bestselling book Your Other Names: Poems for Wise Living. Tara Sophia Mohr is a journalist at the Huffington Post.