It was when the priest intoned, “The rings please”, that I looked at my chief bridesmaid and sister, Anita,
Who looked at the best man, Bina, for said rings. Who looked at the groom, Cj -who’d collected the rings-, who looked at the bride…who was given said rings.

The same bride who belatedly remembered…the rings were given to the planner that morning. Unbeknownst to all, the wedding coordinator couldn’t enter the church, she was stopped from going past the gate by the security guards for wearing a dress with a sweetheart neckline.

Engaged in 6 months, married in 11 from first meeting, for one second brethren, I thought my luck had finally run out. I looked up in panic, Cj stared back relaxed, as my aunty practically removed a finger, grabbing my parents’ wedding bands from them, to the consternation of the watching priests. One band too big for me, the other too small for Cj.

Of course.

Eventually we got rings, got married and got seated, giggling like two toddlers who had escaped nap time. 5 years later, we’re still making the best of everything. Marriage gets such a bad wrap, and fairly so, so it’s hard to believe but, happy marriages abound. They just take deliberate, compassionate, constant work from two truly committed people. And the best thing? Your marriage is yours to make. I told Cj before we married, “We’re writing our story…in pencil.” So there’s room to erase and start afresh as often as needed, space to doodle outside conditioned boundaries. Our home is for evolving, relearning and forgiving. We’re big on softness, safe spaces. And humour.

I don’t have enough years under my belt to speak but, for what it’s worth, if you’re getting married, I’ll say marry someone kind. Above all things. If you’re already in marriage, I’ll say, give your partner the benefit of doubt. Especially when it’s hard, assume the best of them. If you’re considering leaving a marriage, I’ll say, girl who can blame you?? 

No, seriously it’s hard. But, it’s so worth the fight. Happy church weddiversary to us! #Chilyn17