(For Mothers’ Day)

I didn’t know how much I wanted a child
Until I realised I might not have one.
When I saw I might be leaving the hospital
Without cradling the baby I was carrying,
It hit me with a desperate, disastrous force,
I really wanted a child. This child.
Today, I looked through the journal I kept
For Kaito’s first three months on earth & marvel.
“When the lord turned round our captivity
We were like those in a dream” -Psalm 126:1
Swipe left for an excerpt from day 14,
The first day Kaito took his first breath unaided
…And it happened on the very day
The oxygen machine in the NICU broke down!
Kaito survived so much to be here, unscathed.
Before he was born, he’d already made us proud
Proud of his resilience, strong will, determination
I imagine every parent is enamored by their kid
But, Kaito absolutely delights me.
He is so cheeky, loving and smart,
He accepts me exactly as I am and
No matter how badly I’m parenting,
Still looks at me like I’m exceptional.
When he was very little, I loved waking him up.
He would look up at me every morning
With eyes that held a dawning realization:
“It’s you! I know you!! You came again!” Every. Morning.
An indescribable, incomparable feeling.
I know how privileged I am to mother a child
Especially because I almost missed this chance.
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone mothering,
And preparing to mother,
May we all enjoy this beautiful, beautiful privilege