Soon after joining the company I work for,
HR held an on-boarding session.
I don’t remember much of the day, but,
A message from an old leader stood out.
“Be careful who fills your cup.” He said.
He said, some people start a brand new thing,
With an old mind.
They know the story of the job, career,
The marriage before it begins,
From colleagues, social media, externals,
Their cup has already been filled.
When an incident occurs, they’re prepared.
Often with ammunition
From someone else’s arsenal.
He said people who start out with cups full,
Can only receive an overflow of what’s already in
They’re too full to be diluted by new info.
There’s no room to be surprised.
If you’ve ever planned a Nigerian wedding,
You know Nigerians love giving marriage advice.
I found it fascinating when I was getting married.
A lot of the advice makes sense,
But it is coloured.
Doctored by the experience of the speaker.
It leaves no room for context:
Even the Bible that’s for everyone says,
“Submit to your own husband.”
“Love your own wife.”
Understanding that the dynamics of each home,
Must be different.
Tolstoy says, “Happy families are all alike;
Every unhappy family,is unhappy in its own way.”
I’m trying everyday, to empty my cup.
On marriage, career, friendships, life.
It’s hard,
Because we can be the sum of our experiences,
Stained by piles, years, of others’ grime.
There’s another option.
To learn from the sum of our experiences,
And intentionally choose the life we will live