My marriage turned one (A year FLEW by!) on 23 February 2018 and 25 February 2018 (traditional and white wedding anniversaries respectively). So, a little about our traditional ceremony. I’m from Rivers state in Southern Nigeria and my husband is Igbo, from Anambra state. My parents are both Rivers but from different tribes: Inland and Upland Rivers state. My mum is from the riverine Kalabari tribe and my dad is Ikwerre which is predominantly land based. Interesting story, my (maiden) surname means ‘Big Water’ because my great-great-grandfather was a champion wrestler (lol, true story) in the days when men were defined by strength and skill in the arena. To the mainly landlocked tribes, water or oceans were considered a magnificent, terrifying force. So, he earned the title Big Ocean, which became our surname, because he was powerful.

Random, but true.

In our culture, a bride- a maiden- comes out first in a simple, elegant outfit  to greet the guests that have come to celebrate with her family. It’s supposed to be quite simple so with more traditional jewelry, such as corals, and hair. So that’s my first outfit with the little puffs on my head, lol. That’s me in my maiden gear. The next outfit should be reflective of your husband’s culture, to show that you’ve been given to a new family and you’re imbibing a new culture in addition to yours. BUT, my mum was not going to let me go without a little show of her culture. The Kalabari culture is so rich and beautiful that I really don’t blame her. The second outfit is me in the Kalabari maiden dress before I cross over to the new culture, my husband’s.

I think it’s so beautiful how we have tried to preserve the culture of our regions for so many generations. After you greet the guests as a bride, you go back into hiding. Lol, I. AM. SERIOUS. The groom and his family and friends arrive with a lot of drama and my husband didn’t disappoint. In fact, my uncle looked in surprise and screamed, “THIS BOY IS A RUFFIAN!” when Obi’m arrived with his massive entourage. Lmao! It’s a lot of dancing and drumming as the groom ushers in his own people. Then the feasting begins.

When the bride comes out afterwards, her parents give her a glass of palm wine and ask her to go and bring them the man she has chosen, with her free will, to marry. You take the glass of wine and dance around until you find the groom, offer him the glass to drink, he drinks to cheers and you drag bring him to your parents for blessing. Then the party kicks up a gear! Whoop!

All of this takes place after the bride price has been exchanged. So while I was getting dressed, my father-in-law led his delegation of elders, full Nollywood style mind you, to my father and his delegation of elderly relatives and they sat in our living room to barter and banter. Before the critics come with tales of Africans selling their daughters, it’s all in good-natured fun as the groom’s family says they’ve found something of value in the bride’s family and want to add it to their family. They understand that to let go of something so invaluable, the bride’s family needs something to soothe the hurt and help them manage the change. The groom’s family offers a sum of money, food items and other gifts, all the while assuring the bride’s family that it is nominal and merely a gesture of good will and empathy. The bride’s family refuses the gesture to show that they consider the groom’s family a part of their family now and accept their daughter, the bride, extending their family to include the groom and his people. It’s all quite beautiful when you think about it because it highlights what family is all about: acceptance, empathy and unity.

Here we go, traditional wedding photos with running commentary by yours truly. Enjoy!x