I was doing some research for an article and I came across this interesting situation in the early church. The church in Corinth was upset at a Christian’s behaviour and attempted to excommunicate him for sinning so irreversibly that he could neither be forgiven nor accepted back to the fold. Paul’s response to the church had me giving him a full-scale tuale from my seat.

^“5 I am not overstating it when I say that the man who caused all the trouble hurt all of you more than he hurt me. ⁶ Most of you opposed him, and that was punishment enough. ⁷ Now, however, it is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement.⁸ So I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him. When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too…¹¹ so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.

-2 Corinthians 2:11

Tell ‘em P! Underneath the scripture I found commentary from various authors interpreting the scripture…there are few things I like to read more than this sort of biblical commentary. I know, I know, I live on the edge. Lol.

My favourite was from the author Gill: “Lest Satan should get an advantage of us,….; a metaphor taken from covetous persons, who take every occasion, and make use of every advantage to deceive persons: For we are not ignorant of his devices; and cunning stratagems; some of his crafty contrivances and designs are known, though not all of them; and this particularly, that he sometimes transforms himself into an angel of light…”

I often say we think of Satan as this obvious Machiavellian character who will arrive in demonic, frightening form. Unfortunately, the prince of darkness is a gentleman and his tools of trade are far from fire and brimstone. The devil works with a manicured set of tailored, cultured, admirably intelligent weapons of mass destruction, which are often hard to identify. That’s why the early Christians are warned to not allow themselves be “Outmaneuvered by Satan…” in the scripture above.

And it’s kind of easy to be outmaneuvered if you’re not careful. When I was in hospital, I would keep having these terrifying thoughts that my baby would die. I would run to God in anxious prayer and terrified pleading. This continued until the day the mental attacks became relentless. I ate, I heard the voice. I changed positions, the taunting continued. I lay down, it teased. I stood up, it shouted. Man, I had to shout back oh! Lol, full mad woman style in the middle of that maternity ward! I was like “Leave me alone! Taunting me as if YOU are the one that holds life and death in your hands! God holds the power and if this child is going to die that is actually not your business!!”

The voice never returned.

We have to understand who we are and the power we wield so that we won’t hand Satan the weapon to use to torment us. In this game of life chess, I am determined to win and I will not let the devil use my own insecurities, anxieties or fear against me. When people say “The devil made me do it!”, I laugh and he probably laughs too and shouts “Abeg oh I was in Sambisa”, because guess what, he doesn’t make you do a damn thing! Satan will hand you the loaded gun knowing every chamber is loaded… and tell you its Russian roulette. Little by little we ourselves, use our hands to ruin our lives, our relationships, friendships, opportunities, marriages, children…with the tools the crafty one casually lends us.

^“11 …so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.-“

Here’s what I’ve realized with God, He is all about timing. HIS timing specifically. He has drawn up a plan concerning your life and almost nothing you do can change the course of that which He has designed concerning you. Why? Because for one thing, He sees the whole picture, while we only see a portion…usually our own pressing need. Secondly, there are other destinies tied to ours.

#Boom.

That is critical to understand. I wanted to get married around 25 or so. I felt like I was ready, willing and able. I was used to managing a house, was legal guardian for my sisters so I understood responsibility and family, I’m a nice looking, well put together woman of Gawd (amen somebaday!) so I had it all together y’all! And I really thought that was all it took tbh.

God clearly didn’t agree with my timeline and MAYBE this is some of what He’s thinking when there’s a delay in our timing:

1. I love you but like the Israelites this is not your season. Might be your season for job promotion or self-improvement but season for love?

1. OR, The person I’ve designed for you has to live through his experiences and find himself as you are finding yourself, so you can be right for each other.
2. OR, there are skills you will need later Wends, to help you support and build your home that you cannot learn in the place (physical? Emotional? World perspective?) that you are now. You have to realise that for God, the ultimate death is an unsaved person, He will do anything, stop anything, delay anything to use the person who can reach one, to teach one.
3. Or, there is someone you’ll meet when in obedience you listen to Me and take that job at 26 that will be critical to your child’s success when you’re 52 (or something!), but you need to be at that place and in that time (mentally and physically) to make that connection.
4. Or, there are depths and nuances to your character that you and I are yet to explore, without the distraction of anyone else. YOU don’t even fully understand who you are and the power you hold.
5. OR, finally Babygirl, it’s MY party, you can cry if you want to. Lol! #SOVEREIGNBEHAVIOUR 

Who knows the reason? 🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️

So there I was waiting, wishing and wondering, when unbeknownst to me, I had simply just not entered my Kairos moment: It just wasn’t the time He had set for me. Sure, people say you can accelerate your Kairos moment. I don’t know, I’m not a priest. BUT, I have found that when I let go and allow God’s perfect will for my life take its course, the end result is mind-blowing. It’s like the story of Joseph. All the homie wanted was to get out of prison and be a servant in the palace. His dreams could never, not even as a joke, have extended to becoming Prime Minister. How?! With his green passport?! Lol. His humble Hebrew blood? Which levoh?! Joseph had his own plan which, if it had worked, would have had him remain a slave for the rest of his life. He was willing to trade a physical jail for a mental one and that’s all he wanted. God’s plan however, was much nicer and it wasn’t even just about Joseph. God needed a tool in the palace that He could use to establish His children in Egypt 400 years later, to confound the world thousands of years after with stories of parting seas and tales of plagues. God needed a Joseph to birth a Moses and miracles.

And Joseph was out here just trying to secure a job.

Allow God. Allow Him. Give Him room to do what He wants. Your destiny is tied to that of so many others and that’s why we must trust Him because He sees the bigger picture…yet cares about your smallest worry. Trust that. Before I got married, I would tell Anne, I think I’m tired of being single and she would always respond with something like, “God is really concerned about that. And He isn’t wicked.” I don’t know why, but that always really comforted me.

What happens to many of us is that we are in the waiting room, looking up to God for something.While we wait, the devil comes to us and eggs us on in our despair and frustration. HE encourages us to channel our disappointment at God. So, our hurt and pain harden into anger, bitterness and resentfulness towards God. “You claim to be God, you claim to be good, yet you won’t answer this one prayer?! Gerrarraheremen!” We ignore the new job, amazing friends, travel opportunities, loving family, promotion He has been giving us, because:

Imagine you’re a young Nigerian girl, maybe you’re turning the Big 3.0 this August. My Virgo, from one eyed he-goat to Quilox’s resident Yoruba Demon, everyone has an opinion on the nakedness of your unfortunately-named Ring Finger. Even the strongest among us can feel a little uneasy under the unrelenting pressure of Nigerian society for marriage. So, you’ve been praying to God about finding a significant other and starting your life together but it hasn’t happened.

By now, this bitterness towards God is slowly hardening not just your spirit, but your heart and mind as well. The bile spills out and your disappointment colours your approach to people, to life. You slowly change from the warm, amiable and optimistic girl you used to be because life hasn’t given you what you want. What you deserve. The devil encourages you to rail at God, to wear your disappointment, self-pity, frustration around like a battle cloak. It is your sword and shield. When you want to be happy for someone else, he reminds you “Sis, how many asoebis will you buy for gosek?!” The disappointment conditions you to believe men are nothing, that you ought to be angry.  It is your protection and defense so you won’t get hurt. “Build walls”, satan says “Fortify your heart!” He reminds you of every fast, all the prayers, how God has forgotten you and even though you continue to serve in church, your heart is dead. In fact the day you see God, na to slap am remain! That’s how angry Satan tells you, you are with God. You’re vulnerable and you believe the King of Lies. Life has not turned out the way you planned and you cannot understand what you did wrong.  You won’t believe the devil has been using you, because you’re a regular church goer so when did he use you?!

Then the Kairos moment that God ordained from the start finally arrives…to find you a substantially changed person. Mr. Right arrives but your mind is too clouded by your disappointing experiences, your insecurities are too heavy now, your anxieties too heightened, mind too warped for you to see him and judge him for himself. You’re now naturally suspicious, bitter, irritable. Mr. Right can never do right even as you yourself,  can do no wrong. Eventually even Mr. Right has had enough. So, single she remains. God continues to get blamed.

Something went wrong in the wiring. Who is responsible? God, devil or sister? The devil is crafty, those initial ideas planted corrupted her thoughts, shook her trust and reliance on God, soon she insidiously adopted Satan’s mentality and her very essence, changed.

She lost what she desired to gain.

Most of us are waiting. You are not waiting in vain. “For everything under the sun, there is a time and a season.” (Ecclesiastes 3). My middle name Nkemdirim is Igbo. It means “What is Mine, is Mine.” God is just. What BELONGS to you, will not pass you by if you trust Him and continue to walk with Him. This race is not for the swift and the battle is not for the strong. Many of us are anxious thinking our best days are already hurrying behind us. Who Sayyyyyy? With a God that can restore a thousand fold better than what we think we have lost?!

Get this, at the start of last year I was technically single (church folk say you’re single if you’re not married oh). In 10 months, I have a husband that is perfect FOR ME and a perfect child. It’s not a boast, because not one singular thing I have was merited. God just showed me incredible mercy. I use myself as an example because I know what it is to wait. This post was inspired by favourite cousin who is currently living through the wait, I love her and I know her distress…yo, it can be hell not being sure what the future holds. So many of us need to be encouraged and I’m just here as a living example to let you know that God’s ways are not our ways and He can fast forward, catch you up to speed, restore so completely that your past becomes an illusion you can barely remember.

Take it easy and keep walking in His truth, don’t look around…look up at Him. Don’t you dare give up on Him for anything you’re waiting on. But in the mean time, LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, BABY! Your Kairos will come, God doesn’t sleep on His favourites.