For the first time since I started this blog I totally failed to celebrate my blogiversary or the blog’s birthday!

This is the effect of staying at home 24/7 with my baby: Monday is Tuesday is Wednesday is Thursday, you know? So, this is late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! My blog turned the big FIVE on the fifth and I am so proud! I’m proud of what this blog has accomplished, proud of myself for keeping it running this long! It’s been with me through so many changes in my life, we’ve transitioned together from single, stressed workaholic to settled still slightly stressed workaholic mummy. I thank God for this space to create, to simply be…and I thank YOU for reading me, for commenting, sharing, liking and just being a witness to my life really. 😊

I’ve learnt so much through writing down and rearranging my thoughts on this blog, because often I do not know what I think until I read what I write.

For me possibly the most important lesson I’ve learnt from this blog, is that God needs people.

God. Needs. People.

It’s true, and I’ve spoken about this many times, including here and here, but it really crystallized for me in 2017. You see, I think God has two key tasks. 1. Bring His government/kingdom/principles and ways to Earth and 2. Answer the prayers and needs of His people. Neither one of those things can be practically achieved through the heavenly hosts.

Think about it, if you pray for healing and an angel comes in the middle of a hospital day, cherubim gown a-blazing, wings a-floating, looking like an extra from an all-white pool party on Halloween, there might be some problems. For one thing, knowing our tendency to deify pastors and create representations of God, people might end up worshiping the angel! To be honest, in Nigeria I trust that someone will slip the angel an envelope of cash in return for prayer requests being fulfilled. People might be terrified and anxious if angels began to fall from the sky in answer to distress calls. People WILL capitalize on this sudden arrival and deceive the vulnerable by charging for the chance to lie on the ground the angel walked on, walls the angel touched, property his shadow fell upon and so on.

It would be a logistical nightmare for heaven.

(Lol no, I don’t know if this is actually the reason God hasn’t made angels visible and biddable by humans).

BUT, God does use angels for His work on earth. He uses human angels- you and I possibly- to undertake His work on earth. Each of us has a chance to be an angel. And what is an angel? It’s not a video vixen from the newest trap song no matter how many times Migos call her “Angel”. Nope. An angel is a messenger of God. And God’s purpose, to a large extent is to make angels of us all. We know why now (for His kingdom to come on earth and prayers to be answered etc), but how does He make angels or messengers, of us?

TRAINING.

Pastors and priests often talk about the ‘Army of the Lord’ and you might be forgiven for believing that this refers to a far-off group of muscular, paramilitary Christians armed with bibles and swords. Alas brethren, WE are that army (*GULP*) and life is our Sandhurst.

When I was in hospital, I had a lot of time to think and I really began to see that life as a whole, is a training ground for Christians. When you begin to understand the character of God, you see beyond the surface of things, you understand that this walk with Him is more than prosperity preaching, deeper than God being your ‘Yes Man’. God moves from just Jehovah Jireh the Provider to El Chayai: God of My Life + El Roi: The God who sees ME + El Olam: The Eternal One [that is the God that lasts through the transitions of my life!] + He becomes Alpha and Omega: The Beginning and the End aka the bookends of my history + El Shaddai: The ALL SUFFICIENT ONE [the God of limitless ability] + Adonai: Lord. The Supreme One… who has the power to do exactly what He wants to do with my life. Even if I don’t like it.

Yeah, I said it.

When you understand God, you realize that Christianity is much more than mere provision. It is self-governance, emulating the character of Christ and exalting the needs of others sometimes even above yourself and your needs, because you trust that the God you are acting for will meet your needs. True Christianity is following His leadership even when you’re unsure where the road ends. It is maintaining standards and principles that remain the same even in a world that is constantly changing. Christianity is understanding that integrity, holiness and empathy are not merely decorative alphabets.

When I was in captivity hospital, my mum would send daily devotional messages on Whatsapp and one day I was incredibly depressed, my spirit was so low asking God, “Why me? Why my child?” and then a beep and a message that began with this:

“…As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

-Isaiah 55:8-13

God doesn’t think like me. At all.

My recent experiences really taught me that God doesn’t see things the way we do. For me, the main focus of my experience was surviving with my life and my baby’s, because I didn’t want to die (Obvs!). Death would have been the ultimate disaster to my way of thinking. But for God, I don’t think my living or dying was the main focus of my experience…because death of the body doesn’t mean the same thing to a being who holds eternity in His hands, as it does for us. For God the ultimate disaster is death of the spirit. That’s why Jesus kept referring to the people He raised from the dead as merely being “asleep”. To Him the entire focus of each experience is to save souls and draw people (back) to Him.

I stayed in hospital for almost two months and met so many different people with all sorts of issues and I’d like to believe I was able to encourage and uplift and remind them that there is a God who is keen on them, who has not slept on their matter, a Father who loves them. A God that sees them. You’d be surprised at the number of people that are certain that with over 7 billion people in the world, God neither sees nor remembers them, their struggles or silent tears. As Christians, as angels: Messengers of God on earth, it is our task to help people remember that they are not forgotten. For me this was in encouraging the heartbroken pregnant wife desperate for a divorce after having her tubes tied, helping the widow with no funds to gift her daughter anything for her birthday, cheering on the nurse working on an additional career, holding the hand of the diabetic mum-to-be terrified her pregnancy would be terminated by disease.  There were many opportunities to share love in hospital and while I was there I realized how ESSENTIAL it is to be kind to everyone! Because, every single person you meet is fighting a battle. That’s why I was there: To see, to learn, to connect, to share God. To be trained. And I could have easily stayed staring at my condition depressed (as I did many, many times! Lol)…but also in the midst of it I really understood the calling on my life, on every Christian’s life.

God NEEDS people. He needs people. But He won’t and can’t use just anybody. He needs people who have been tested through the fire, refined for His purpose, who understand that they have been saved to save others, and that the calling on their lives is greater than just ‘Sunday Service’. People who will do the work of God in reminding others of His presence and love.

And not everyone can do that. Not everyone that calls themselves Christian even, can do that. You can do that best when you understand the character of God. And you understand Him when you have studied Him, taken time out to know Him, when you trust Him enough to let Him use you. It is such a scary thing, I swear, especially when you understand that He will halt and disrupt your perfect plans in order to do His will because His will has a bigger end and purpose than your tiny plan. You’re just a part of the bigger picture. And the truth is this, when you let go and allow yourself be part of God’s plan, the reward ends up being better than that ‘perfect’ plan you had for yourself and more than just you, others are touched, inspired and happy!

You might think well. “I haven’t lived through this or that like poor Jane,  so I haven’t been tried yet and I don’t think God can use me like THAT.” That’s not true. Every single day that you defy the expectations, directives and objectives of the world, you expand your capacity and strength. Besides, I’m telling you that you don’t even know how strong you are until you are called on to be strong. Bruh, I learnt this for a fact when I was shaking on the operating table as the surgeons prepared to cut me. LOL, I overheard the surgeon whisper to the anaesthesiologist, “Is she reacting to the anaesthesia? She is shaking so much…” He replied, “No, she’s just scared.” I realized that strength and courage certainly do not mean the absence of fear, but the ability to do everything afraid.

Your life is the training ground.

When I was praying to God for my son’s survival, my biggest fear was not that God wouldn’t let my child live. My biggest fear was that my child not surviving would be part of God’s plan. Because like Abraham, I had told God that I understand that the power of life and death is in His hands and I had said that with His help, I would serve Him either way. I knew it could be part of God’s plan because I had seen, strong, amazing women who went through complications with their children, lose those children and become a voice to comfort, heal and reassure others. I had seen the impact people like Tito Ladoja-Idakula made with a single, compelling heartbreak. So I knew that even in that darkness, God could shine light and use it to touch other heartbroken women, other hurting families. I’m sold to this Christ and I knew that training for use, for purpose can be heartbreaking, it can be incredibly painful. Beloved, I prayed like Jesus oh! Lol. I said, “Please please please God I do not want this cup of death and pain!!!! Give us a joyful testimony and we will use it just as much, to draw others to you!”

…And He did!

And so we are doing! Part of the way we are ‘doing’ God’s work is, my husband and I set up a fund in honour of our son K. So every year, by the grace of God, we will give an educational grant to the best performing child of all the children of the nurses at the hospital where K was so well taken care of. And I say this to tell you that there is ALWAYS room to be used. That when you are granted mercy, you must pay it forward. The idea for the grant came to me in the middle of the night, I would often wake up to cry pray for my child. In the middle of one of these heated moments with God, I clearly heard Him say 1. Be grateful you get to be parents to a child like K and 2. Create a fund to help others. Whether he survives or not.

It was hard to hear.

Nursing is one of the most thankless jobs and this fund is one way of telling those amazing nurses, “We see you.” I struggled to see someone else’s pain through the haze of my fear and pain, but even in that God directed me to look at others first not myself.

And when I looked at others…He looked at me.

K just turned 3 months. 🙂

*Photo Credit: ohjoy.com