It’s four months after my wedding and I am yet to select the photos for our photographer to print into a wedding album. My husband is just tired. Lol. I don’t know how I am supposed to reduce 1000+ photos into my favourite 250 for the photo book when I love all the photos! Such a painful task but one that I nevertheless forced myself to complete today on realizing that the photo platform hosting the pictures will expire this month.

Looking through the photos, I smiled a lot. Watching my husband “cut chain” on the dance floor, my friends and family look so happy and everyone just come together to have a great time made me beam. I smiled as I selected….and then I burst out in loud, maniacal laughter as I spotted one picture. The foreground looked innocent enough: It was Obi’m and I standing before a group of austere looking priests exchanging vows. But, in the background, I spotted a look of pure panic in the eyes of Anita, my sister and Maid of Honour as she leaned to whisper to my Aunty G, that there were no wedding bands to exchange.

Yes kneegroes and gentlefolk we forgot the rings!

LOL!

It was all my fault. For starters, I didn’t want a full BellaNaija train so all I had was my sister as Maid of Honour, two little flower girls and one little bride. A la Beyoncé and the all-female band, I wanted an all-female train. So, no boys on my ring-bearer-free train in spite of my mum’s protests of “It’s just not done!” But, I really hate the idea of little boys in suits.

Even worse, I had decided to hold on to the rings and keep them in my jewelry case with all my other ornaments for the wedding, instead of handing them over to our Bestman…who actually proved to truly be THE best man with how seriously he took all his tasks at the wedding. Bina, we love you forever. If I had handed the rings to him the night before, I know Aunty G wouldn’t have been caught by the photographer looking ¼ puzzled and ¼ confabulated.  And just half dazed at our lot.

But such is life, I thought I had everything under control.

I technically did, y’all! I’d brought out the rings that morning, as ODI sorted out my make-up, and handed them over to the wedding planner for safekeeping. She was in the car right behind me headed to the church…I just had no idea that our conservative Anglican church would stop her at the gate for wearing an-off shoulder dress unto their premises…and that the wedding bands would have to be crowd-surfed from the back of the church, pew to pew, as we sat down on our seats AFTER exchanging our vows. Or that we’d be left to surreptitiously put them on at the sides of our seats without the notice of anyone else.

So there we were, standing before God and many, many, oh so many men, saying our vows when I heard the priest’s lips form the word “Ring”.  WAIT, WHERE ARE THE RINGS, COME TO THINK OF IT?!

I slowly leaned into Anita and whispered, “Do you by any chance have the rings?”

Anita: “Rings?!…NO!”

I looked across to my wonderful husband and mouthed, “RINGS?!”

Obi’m: “You have them.” Initially said as a statement.

Then repeated as a disbelieving question: “You have them?”

I slightly shook my head as the priest droned on unpertubed and unaware that his service was about to go off kilter.

Obi’m leaned into his Bestman and asked if he had the rings by some magic stroke of fate. I watched as his eyes grew wide and his lips formed the round syllables of a solid, “NO.”

At this point, rest assured that my heart had trekked from my skin.

Obi’m suffered a small smile. I responded because, hell we’re here now what are we going to do at this point but get married anyhow?! Lol.

I whispered furiously to Anita, “FIND US RINGS!” all while smiling at the undisturbed priest droning on before me.

Anita leaned into Aunty G on the first row and quickly narrated the entire tale in a few words. My Aunty swung into action. She leaned into my mum and demanded her wedding bands immediately. Figuring something was up, my mother, bless her heart, shared her rings with us…all while shooting daggers at me from across the pew. *Sigh*

Anita dropped the rings surreptitiously in my palm just as the priest asked for the rings. I proudly gave them to him, thankful a crisis had been averted.

He looked at the rings.

Looked at me.

Looked at the rings again.

“These are two female rings!” He whispered furiously. “We need one for your husband.”

Obi’m jumped in and confessed, “We forgot the rings.”

The priest looked at our imploring faces and immediately turned his back on us, to face the altar, possibly praying for patience to deal with these reckless youth.

At this point I was certain we were going to be asked to postpone the wedding or some other such thing. WHEN EVERYONE HAD ALREADY SEEN MY DRESS?! No bueno, signor.

Anita had by then realized that the issue was WE had no rings, not that I had no ring. By this time, my dad’s wedding band was already being slipped into my palm and as soon as the priest turned back around, I casually dropped a man’s wedding band into his waiting hands with a look that said, “Shall we?”

Lol the God of mercy I serve clearly touched this man’s spirit because he just continued along like nothing at all was amiss. Obi’m and I exchanged relieved smiles right before we swapped rings. We continued staring and smiling at each other in joy and relief…until my father’s wedding band got stuck halfway on Obim’s large finger…