I have an announcement to make to the non-existent virtual universe that might follow my random musings on these mean e-streets.

I am getting married. *Insert huge smile here*

It still feels surreal to me. Let me tell you, it’s nothing short of miraculous the way every single piece of my life’s jigsaw fell into place…when I wasn’t even looking. In the last year, whenever I think of my life this is the scripture that comes to mind.

“When the Lord turned their captivity around [reversed their captivity/ restored their fortunes/ revived their well-being], we were like those in a dream.”

-Psalm 126: 2

Sharing like this goes against every superstitious strain of the Nigerian DNA in my system but it seemed only fair to speak out considering I have shared advice and life musings on singlehood here, here and here before.  I didn’t plan to talk about getting married but two consecutive church services and prayer meetings hit me directly with admonitions on our duty as Christians to speak on God’s goodness as a way of encouraging others in faith. This is especially true in a world filled with incidences that scream, “God is dead!” He isn’t, He came through for me mightily and you know what they say, “When God visits your neighbour, it means He’s in your neighbourhood”. Amen somebaaaaddddayyy! Lol. Now this isn’t our actual love story but it tells the context in which love found me.

Like most Christians, I decided early on in life that the subject of a significant other had to be determined, like everything else, with God’s direction. I find that most of us get into a situation with someone and then ask God, “Is he/she the one?!” Actually, I lie. We TELL God, “He is the one, now bless us, bless us, bless usssssss!” Lol. This works for some but it never really worked for me. Thankfully for most of my single years, I was a very content single woman. In fact despite living in marriage-mad Nigeria, I never truly internalized that pressure to be married. When I started to properly think about settling down and pray about marriage, the desire came because I mentally felt ready to…not because of external forces and Olofofos of  house Busy Body. That was only about a year ago or so and even then what I really really wanted was the correct partner not a marriage necessarily or immediately. Lol for Nigerian mums I am a nightmare, I can imagine. Many Nigerian girls dream of wedded bliss from about 21. Now I think about it, for most of my twenties, I’ve thought “This is not really a good time to be in a relationship. Let me achieve X/finish Y/ just do Z, and I will consider someone seriously.”

I always figured that I’d get married when God wanted because everything else in my life had fallen into place beautifully, and usually quite easily, by grace. Because of this, I knew it would come but I didn’t know when and so I lived my single life with that consciousness. I knew my time to be single had an expiry date and so I wanted to do as much as I could before it ended. So, I pursued living a full life. Living such a life rubbed off some people, especially some men wrongly. This is Nigeria and many times I suspect there is a cookie-cut mold of what our society expects ‘potential’ wives to be like. I’m what older women call homely in the sense of being able to cook, clean and keep a home very well, but I am also assertive, confident and will forever answer the call of anything that excites my spirit. So I never failed to hear comments on my being, “Too much”, “Over ambitious” or “Extra” but hey it’s not my fault! 🙂 I have many gifts and I use them. Yes, I excel at work, yes I am bright, yes, I plan to write a book, yes that’s me on the radio with a weekly program, yes I am a volunteer teacher as well, yes I’m happy to decorate your home, yes I can sing and also draw you a portrait, yes I…

I never felt I was outside the will of God and so I never apologized for who I was. For who I am. In fact I often remembered the parable of the talents…and enjoyed all of mine to the fullest. I won’t apologise for anyone not doing the same. I found that maxing out on my life turned out to be a fantastic filter for me to use to determine if a man was good for me or not. Many people love the concept of a practical mate but cannot always deal with the reality and I was never one to sacrifice my gifts simply on the undue insistence of a potential mate. No bueno senor, you go follow your own bliss. The concept of a relationship to me has always been something that ought to cause the blossoming of a person, encourage and inspire one to expand to full potential not be broken and caged to satisfy a sensitive ego or repressive culture.

At the start of 2016, I knew I was expected to pray to get married amongst other things. Lol. It’s the standard Nigerian-woman-in-her-20s -thing to do and it’s what I might have asked God for if 2015 hadn’t been so chequered. I realized that what I needed the most was not a marriage. I told God I wasn’t going to burden Him with many requests, I’d just cut my desires down to one central thing which I needed most:

Clarity.

All I asked God for, in 2016, was clarity. I didn’t want to hear a ton of dissenting voices when I asked God for the next move in my life. I wanted to know His voice with an assuredness that defied any thought or feeling. I didn’t want to make a mistake in any area of my life. And it’s funny because I realise now that asking for clarity was the biggest form of surrender and submission to God’s will for my life. If you’re asking God for clarity, you’re telling Him you want to hear and be led by ONLY His voice and His will for your life. You’re automatically conforming your will to His, asking Him to mold your heart and transform your mind to His. I deadened all my desires and plans and said “God tell me what you want, clearly, and I will follow.”

You will see your teacher with your own eyes.
²¹ Your own ears will hear him.
Right behind you a voice will say,
“This is the way you should go,”
whether to the right or to the left.

-Isaiah 30:20 & 21

This is one of my favourite scriptures and one that kept coming to mind as I prayed for the start of the year.

Then this is when a really weird thing happened…which when I told Obi’m later, he happily tagged me a chronic and undiagnosed oversabi. Anyway so what happened was soon after that prayer for clarity, I really felt driven to remove everything else that could be a dissenting voice in any core area of my life. I won’t share the rest but let me tell you the result of obeying that directive when it came to relationships.

Many people want God to bless them with a good spouse but many times we haven’t readied ourselves or made room for the blessing. If your store house is full, where will you keep the harvest when it arrives? So a lot of us say we are single but in actual fact we aren’t. While we are not in relationships, we are certainly occupied. Take most young women for instance. There is always one man you have Friend-zoned or one family friend attempting to claw his way out of the Friend Zone and into your heart. One Mr. “He’s like a Brother’ you have kept locked away mentally as your Plan E. That is your back up’s back up plan: “If Prince Charming (A), Mr. Right (B), Mr. Good Salary Ugly Face (C) etc. doesn’t show up, I’ll date He’s like a Brother.” What I’m basically saying is that no one is really single if you think about it. I thought about it and I wasn’t looking too good. I decided to take the wise words of the lyrical luminaire, Dizzy Rascal and “FIX UP, LOOK SHARP!!” Brethren, I fixed up! Lol. I deleted every person in my life that was taking space unknowingly or otherwise, I wittled my black book down to even the unconscious Plan Z’s, I erased the “Hey Stranger!” crew, I removed the “Maybe if there’s only me, two cockroaches, one rooster and him left at the apocalypse and we are charged with the task of repopulating the earth, then!” massive even.

I tore, pruned, scratched off, scraped out until I could well and truly say to God like Samuel, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.” That took a step of faith because everyone likes the safety belt, the ‘Just in Cases’. But “Once have I heard, twice have I listened.’ He didn’t need to tell me twice. I tore my safety net and dove head first into God’s will.

…And now Obi’m and I are getting married! *Squeals*

It feels surreal to type because it happened so quickly, fit so rightly, worked together so perfectly. I am the sort of person that may have remained unmarried for eons if I had not found someone that I could confidently trust with my heart and completely submit my mind to…because I had a fantastic single life! God had other plans and I cannot wait to start this new adventure! God’s non-stop favour to me confirms this scripture to be true:

“Now all glory to God who is able, through His mighty power at work in us, able to do exceeding abundantly [or immeasurably/ or infinitely/ or ‘unendingly’] MORE than we might ask or [even] THINK!”

– Ephesians 3:20

No truer words have I ever uttered than these. So if you’re waiting on God for something, God is the most spontaneous gifter of fabulous presents. The Bible refers to His gifts as without repentance! Lol. That is it. He gives amazing, awe-inspiring, full of wonder, makes you marvel type of gifts in His timing and as He wants it. So if you’re trusting God for a partner and witness to this your journey of life, be obedient and seek God for yourself. God’s words are bankable: He has receipts, God’s time is best, God’s way is perfect.

*Drops mic, adjust wig, steps off pulpit, exits stage left.*