Clearing my inbox today and I found this gem on marriage that my friend T sent to me when Obi’m arrived on the scene. I think T understands me in that respect. He knows I’m not a woman who does anything by halves so the arrival of My Favourite :), meant Ever After was only a moment away.

We Dreamed It…& So We Saw It. 

Marriage………………….

I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved.
But I seldom meet a man who didn’t fear marriage.
Something about the closure seems constricting, not
enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what
it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes
possible within our lives. When I was younger this
fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake.
I saw my friends get married for reasons of social
acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they
thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched
as they and their partners became embittered and petty
in their dealings with each other. I looked at older
couples and saw at best, mutual toleration of each
other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and
bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself
or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples
who somehow seemed to glow in each other’s presence.
They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon
each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It
was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible.
How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many
years of sameness, so much irritation at the other’s
habits? What keeps love live in them, when most of us
seem unable to even stay together, much less love each
other? The central secret seems to be in choosing
well.

There is something to the claim of fundamental
compatibility. Good people can create a bad
relationship, even though they both dearly want the
relationship to succeed. It is important to find
someone with whom you can create a good relationship
from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see
clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you
to each other and colors the way you see yourselves
together. It blinds you to the thousands of little
things by which the relationship eventually survives
or fails. You need to find a way to see beyond the
initial overwhelming sexual fascination.

Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and
ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction
in order to see what is on the other side. This can
work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts.
Others deny the sexual altogether in an attempt to get
to know each other apart from their sexuality. But
they cannot see clearly, because the presence of
unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps
them from having any normal perception of what life
would be like together. The truly lucky people are the
ones who manage to become long-time friends before
they realize they are attracted to each other. They
get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadness,
and fears. They see each other at their worst and at
their best. They share time together before they get
swept up into the entangling intimacy of sexuality.
This is the ideal, but not often possible as regard to
culture and religion plus moral obligations. If you
fall under the spell of your sexual attraction
immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys
to compatibility.

One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much
you will enjoy each other’s company over the long
term. If your laughter together is good and healthy,
and not at the expense of others, then you have a
healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the
child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh,
you can always surprise each other. And if you can
surprise each other, you can always keep the world
around you new. Beware of relationship in which there
is no laughter.

Even the most intimate relationships based only on
seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time,
sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends
to turn you against those who did not share the same
viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on
being critical together. After laughter, look for a
partner who deals with the world in a way you respect.
When two people first get together, they tend to see
their relationship as existing only in the space
between the two of them. They find each other
endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of
the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside
world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside
world becomes important again. If your partner treats
people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you
will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way he or
she cares for others, and deals with the daily affairs
of life. If that makes you love him or her more, your
love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do
not respect the way you each deal with the world
around you, eventually the two of you will not respect
each other. There are many other keys, but you must
find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts
of our hearts that we will not betray and private
commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny.

If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish
those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot
nourish them in him or her, you will find yourselves
growing further apart until you live in separate
worlds where you share the business of life, but never
touch each other where the heart lives and dreams.
From there it is only a small leap to the cataloguing
of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many
couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates. So
choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have
chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the
real miracle of marriage can take place in your
hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of
miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word.
There IS a miracle in marriage. It is called
transformation. Transformation is one of the most
common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower.
The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes
spring and love becomes a child. Only marriage allows
life to deepen and expand and to be leavened by the
knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to
become one. Those who live together without marriage
can know the pleasure of shared company but there is a
specific gravity in the marriage commitment that
deepens that experience into something richer and more
complex. So do not fear marriage, just as you should
not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act
of faith and it contains within it the power of
transformation.

If you believe in your heart that you have found
someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have
sufficient faith that you can resist the endless
attraction of the road not taken and the partner not
chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace
the cycles and seasons that your love will experience,
then you may be ready to seek the miracle that
marriage offers.

If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well
made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a
thousand flowers will bloom. THIS IS LOVE!!!!
It’s OK to kiss a fool, It’s OK to let a fool kiss
you, But never let a kiss fool you.

Its still best to wait for the one you want than
settle for the one available. Best to wait for the one
you love than settle for one who’s available. It’s
best to wait for the right one.

Life is too short to waste on the wrong person. It is
better to meet the person who will truly love you
later, than meet someone now who promises to love you,
but sooner or later leave you forever. Never try to
impress someone to make him/her fall in love with you,
If you do you will expected to keep the standard for
the rest of your life. Fate determines who comes into
our lives The heart determines who stays. Some men see
things as they are and ask “Why?” I dream things as
they never were and ask “Why Not?” Our choices, We
make them then they turn around and make Us.
CHOOSE WISELY. COL. 3:17 Something for you to think
about ….