I read this article on Zikoko the other day about a young woman’s observations of older people using smart phones and it really made me feel some kind of way. We laugh at older people with their lack of understanding when it comes to the most basic social media terms or modern devices, that we take for granted. We never ever think how different the world they’re engaging in is from all they know. And it changed overnight! Today, many of us cannot imagine surviving uni without a laptop or wading through the murky hustle of our sweet sixteenth year without exchanging gossip with friends in cyber space.

Yet for many of our parents, aunties and uncles, this charged, dynamic virtual reality comes as a surprise.

And it’s frightening. And there are no teachers. So every time we are asked what this slang means or how that device can be turned off, maybe we can help…without muffling a giggle.

This actually just made me remember a story about my sister Ibiso. She really liked Yo Momma jokes but at her boarding school, ‘non-educative’ websites (read: everything) were banned. So I, being the responsible older sister that I am, would trawl the internet looking for the finest Yo Momma jokes, compile a heavy list and send it to her to titillate her classmates. When I included a particularly hilarious one, I’d write, “lol” next to it.

One day Ibiso emailed me asking, “Why do you always write One-Zero-One after very funny Yo Momma jokes?”

lol! I teased her forever about that! Still makes me smile even today.

SO, all I’m saying is Millennials (very annoying term but chances are you’re one if you got mildly irritated just now), let’s be nicer to older people…even when they ask why you feel compelled to share EVERYTHING online, even that picture of your lunch you just shared with your imaginary audience of fans on Instagram.

Because aunty. Because.

The author from the Zikoko article questioned a group of older people who spoke candidly about navigating through the new media space and gave me a perspective I’d never seen before. Here’s Udnan on Older People with Smartphones:

“Today I met a group of older people who have just started inhabiting the complex worlds created by smart phones. Observations follow…

“It’s a steep learning curve. Everything is new and alien. Very little is instinctive. Past experience is often useless, often a hindrance.”

It’s not just about learning what button does what, but also learning to reconcile with the idea of a button itself. The whys are not very obvious even though the whats and hows are explained by the next generation. That the phone can be an ally in many ways is itself up for learning. Overall, using this piece of technology pretty much feels like getting thrown into the deep end with a strange device as life raft.

So small things become accomplishments. Good morning messages, for example. Such rituals become comforting as well. And they serve as an incentive and a platform of validation.

My aunt uses her meagre data connection to painstakingly search for and download dozens of good morning images every week. These she sends one at a time everyday to her alumni group on WhatsApp. She has not heard of memes. She does not consider that if she can find these images freely on the web, the recipients can as well.

She does not consider it spam, for how can something that is chosen with intent and such care be spam?

The regularity of this greeting, not the greeting images themselves, is for her the message of affection that she is conveying.

Her alumni group is made up of people like her in the sense of the internet being a novelty. Everyone is learning and eager to show it. They have their own standards and bars of achievement, some of which we would laugh at if we didn’t know the context.

All the elders I met today agreed that for them, timing mattered in their online interactions. Releasing a video clip or image or joke or other message before the others was a huge achievement. They would compliment each other on that. So they ensured that if they received something impressive via one group, they’d circulate it in their other groups as soon as possible. “Everyone knows me as the joke guy,” boasted an old uncle. “And everyone in my groups appreciate my song links,” said an aunty, proud.

There are reputations and expectations and an etiquette that emerges not from ours, but from their own dynamics.

The smart phone interactions between our elders is a thriving ecosystem, with its own politics and compassions. Even though a lot of the education about this enabling technology came from their children, these explorers are still very much self-made. There are things your kids just cannot communicate to you, and things they just cannot understand about you. So our seniors help each other. There’s hurt when kids tell them they are using the internet wrongly, that they miss the point.

“The point is that our points are different.”

We younger folks have moved on from grappling with the actual hows and are now fighting or laughing at older people on the whats. “This alert was not sent by NASA,” we fume, frustrated. “How can you believe something so obviously fake, ma?” Content is motivation for them, but their immediate challenges are feeling through all these complexities, fitting into their WhatsApp communities, learning to keep up with the youngsters and discovering the potentials of this magical device.

We know how to identify spam, respond to it, avoid it, discourage it. But remember (I do) when we ourselves first met the internet? The incredible cognitive assault? That is our parents now, with more than double the age and less than half the exposure.

Just a few takeaways:
1. Most elders using technology usually want to learn and want to use it effectively. Don’t doubt that intention.

2. Don’t expect their digital worlds to follow the etiquette of the ones you are familiar with.

3. Be patient. Make learning easier for them. Help where your help is needed.

(In many cases, the technology is so alien that it is tough for them to know what help they need. So, diagnose and offer clear, simple aid.)

4. Don’t patronise/condescend. It’s two human beings helping each other with what they’re each familiar with that the other isn’t.

Every time I get short with papa or mama, I remember the overall impression of my entire childhood, which was of patient, affectionate care and guidance from my parents to my complete arrogance in and absolute ineptness at life. :’)

(One commenter on the article said this, “This is too true…whenever I get a little impatient while explaining how to use “Wuzzup” to my dad, I always remind myself of how it took me a full month to learn long division, he never for once got impatient with me smile emoticon”).

5. There’s no need to put up with factually incorrect posts and misguiding information. Or general spam. Just help them see why it can be harmful and how they can ascertain veracity before they forward information.

Empowerment works.