So continuing from my earlier post on the meaning of elegance, here are some tips from the Southerly’s ‘100 Ways to be Elegant (Without Depending on a Label)’ that I really really agree with. I have written my thoughts underneath some of them as well to give you ‘Wendelyn’s Questionable Advice on Being Elegant’. Lol:

6. Buy the best quality you can afford.

My mum is really big on this, and it makes sense. Penny wise pound foolish is still foolish y’all.

7. Send thank you notes, always and to everyone

Or just remember to say thank you. I don’t care who their parents are but when I meet little children who are raised to forget their ‘Thank You and Please’, I ALWAYS school them. Like I will literally regress into childhood; snatch back the gift I gave and insist on a thank you if I give a child something and don’t hear the magic words. Hey, I’m annoying… one day, they’ll thank me. Lol. My parents drilled that into us. Even as an adult, once when  my superiors at work supported a project I did, the next day at work my dad rang me TWICE just to remind me to say  thank you to EVERYONE on the list who worked with me on the project. It goes a really long way.

14. Show restraint in expressing anger

Not saying don’t get angry, just don’t give into that hot and exciting impulse to fully indulge your anger. Righteous or otherwise. Lol.

23. Have one fabulous signature meal you serve guests.

This is very useful if you love hosting dinner parties like I do. Extra points if it’s exotic-looking yet low-key takes very little time and effort to make. The cries of “Woooow/Ooooo/ Ahhh” , when you carry the dish to the waiting guests-  feeling like Queen Sheba on a Monday night at Solomon’s- is a priceless reward, let me tell you.

26. Wear dresses/suits more often, and on dates.

I recently got asked, with all seriousness mind you, if I was a member of the Deeper Life church or other similarly conservative Christian assembly because I hardly ever wear trousers to work. I don’t know, Nigeria is hot…and I don’t like the masculinity of typical trousers. Plus  you think we shave our legs to encase them in cotton?! Nah bruh, we show them pins! Lol.

27. Simplify your life.

28. Remember that it’s more important to be kind than it is to be right

29. Serve coffee or tea after meals

People don’t realise they want a cup until you offer. Plus it aids digestion. Ok, ok and it makes me feel like I’m having a nice meal somewhere in Europe. Yes, I’m silly…but what’s new?!

35. Dress to travel

This is the gospel according to my mother. Yes, you want to be comfortable when you travel but comfort and chicness are not mutually exclusive. Besides, my girl Coco says it best.

“I don’t understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little – if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that’s the day she has a date with destiny. And it’s best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.”

-Coco Chanel

Be pretty for destiny, y’all.

36. Be well travelled

This makes ALL the difference. It colours your perspective, broadens your vision and actually makes you more confident in your own little world. Plus, it really teaches you empathy for those who are different from you. Being well travelled doesn’t require a ton of money, from Lagos to Benin Republic,  from Port Harcourt to Oguta lake, that is travel. I love seeing new places. There is a whole world hungry to show off for your eyes only. Don’t miss out.

39. When guests stay over, put a small pitcher and glass for water on their nightstand, along with a book they might enjoy

I’m a natural nurturer so I love this sort of thoughtfulness and attention to detail. I’m so doing this from now on! And if it’s not a book your guest likes, try something else, a TV show or CD…or just the remote control.

43. Learn how to tie both a regular tie and a bow tie (whether you’re a man or a woman)

Because Instagram photos of  wife tying husband’s tie are always cute. Can there be ANY other reason?! Exactly, didn’t think so.

46. Don’t point out the mistakes of others

If you must, be circumspect. And that’s if you really must…like to save them from embarrassment or death.

48. Don’t curse

My source of this one’s the Bible. I curse a little in bad situations but I always find it weird to find pretty ladies that curse like sailors, it just always confuses me initially. But hey, if you like it I love it! 🙂

“6Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”

-Colossians 4:6

52. Accept compliments graciously

Basically my recurrent new year resolution. I deflect compliments like a superhero. I don’t know, compliments just embarrass me and a simple thank you never seems enough; I always feel like I ought to explain the reason for the compliment.

Because low-key psycho.

57. Write a letter or a note rather than send an email to those you love

So quaint and terribly, terribly cute. Must do this!

58. Spray lavender on your sheets and light candles in your home

An equivalent is to make scent sachets. Especially for underwear drawers, just because nice lingerie that ALSO smells nice is just a win on every level really. I have a cheat method, so if I buy a scented sachet, I will always keep it fresh by putting a few drops of perfume oil or food flavouring on it every few weeks. Don’t sleep on food flavouring yo! That thing is perfect for even scented candles and burners. It costs a third of the price and the scent is just as strong and long lasting. Make sure you try almond food fragrance, so yummy!

And don’t worry, I googled it, it’s perfectly safe.

68. Be concerned with making others feel comfortable and (86) overdo empathy

Because, life is hard. Simple. And a little kindness goes SUCH a long way, you can’t even imagine.

71. Hold yourself to high standards.

72. Apologize quickly and sincerely.

73. Don’t speak ill of others, or gossip

My first new year resolution for 2016 is based on these simple words

“Never repeat what you hear.”

– Sirach 19:1

How much easier would so many of our lives be if we did this?

82. Only wear sneakers for exercise

This is soooooo me! At Berkeley, after announcing to the entire class I was going to start a grueling gym regimen, I went out shopping for trainers…and returned with the cutest Plimsolls ever! Yes, I’d used my trainers’ money for Plimsolls. Hey, in the end new shoes are new shoes ok?!

Suffice to say, I never went to the gym.

89. Give others sincere compliments

I am always surprised by the way a compliment can make someone bounce on air all day long. So, because it takes nothing from  me I always give compliments. Think about it, a compliment in your mind is a waste, so say it out. Yes, even to a stranger. Worst they’ll do is give you the Nigerian girl, “Whatever weirdo” look…BTW, Nigerian girls can we agree to leave the saltiness in 2015 though. LOL!

93. Do small favors for others, without expecting anything in return

94. Take the time to stop and listen to others, especially children

I’m not really fond of babies (yeah, I said it! Why cry whenever you want something?! Can’t we come up with a better mode of communicating?! Like blink once for food, twice to be changed?!). But I love kids. Maybe because they remind me of myself before life happened. Lol. One thing that really fascinates me about the kids I teach Literature  is just how unspoilt their minds are. They dream so big, so ridiculously that it just makes me wonder. And I’m loathe to tell them, “Oh honey, that can never happen” because if I told them that, they’d just look at me puzzled like I’m the one thinking too foolishly. I love their confidence and lack of suspicion of Life.

When did we lose it?

96. Take responsibility for yourself and your own happiness

 “…don’t fall into the common error of supposing that the world owes you a living. It doesn’t owe you anything of the kind. The world isn’t responsible for your being. It didn’t send for you; it never asked you to come here, and in no sense is it obliged to support you now that you are here…

– Robert Burdette

Well, damn.

98. Give thoughtful gifts, rather than expensive ones

Recently, someone asked me something I’ve never been asked before. “What’s your ideal gift?” This took a while to think on but I settled for a gift that is entirely fanciful yet one I’d love to have…but not have to get for myself. Don’t ask why. And no, it’s not a Barbie Dream House. That’s the second thing on the list. No, it’s a book of Pablo Neruda poetry. Not just any book, but one with the giver’s favourite Neruda lines highlighted before I’m given the copy.  I’d love that. So everytime I read it, I’d feel like the giver was reading the book as well. I’m low key a softie. *Seats next to Drake on wet bench*.

I’m just always surprised when people give me gifts I love; as they’re usually random, inexpensive things. The thing is I’m surprised when someone remembers something I mentioned because I never think people actually listen deeply enough to hear me well.

True story, recently a friend at work rang me to say his mum and dad loved the Christmas presents he bought them. These presents took all my skill to convince him to buy, simply because he figured his parents would prefer money, the present he always gives them. I advised that he still give money but add a little personalized gift as well. That sort of thoughtfulness means a lot to most people. His parents were so glad.

Finally we conclude on my definition of elegance. No sleek chignons, no pearls, no expensive gifts, just being conscious of others, showing kindness, acting with grace and having lot of heart. That’s elegance to me. 

*Steps off soap box*