A few tips to building self esteem…because I like lists…and because self esteem is sort of a major issue that seems to only be spoken about in Dove campaigns for teenagers and young women yet it affects us all so deeply regardless of age and sex.

Watch your Self Talk

Once you get even a tiny glimpse of how much you’re worth (and it’s a lot, trust me), it affects everything. The things you accept and allow people say and do to you change. Similarly, once you begin to appreciate your value, you stop believing everything you think…even about yourself. We can be our greatest obstacle in this journey of life; our experiences, backgrounds, principles often stop us long before any external forces, imagined principalities and actual powers get the opportunity to. If everytime I replaced a negative thought I had of myself with a positive one I’d be bouncing into rooms and promoting silence; I mean just walking about with my swag intimidating old ladies and young men, dripping swag all over the city with my hair flying in the wind as I generate my own breeze. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I’d be that fabulous.

Know yourself.

Self knowledge and awareness are powerful because they make you live with such a deliberateness that others have no choice but to respect your value…simply because you place yourself so highly, the feeling cascades to others. So watch what you say to yourself first because it guides what you allow others say to you and our self-esteem is often eroded by the words people stone at us.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

The best thing about staying in your own lane? There’s no traffic. Why? Well because this is a metaphorical road not an actual lane (duh!), but also because there are no other cars. I was talking to an old friend yesterday and she told me that after being married for less than a year there’s already pressure on her to become a mum. Now, what I said was this, “No one is satisfied.. There’s always something that people are asking of you. But remember that as soon as you extract yourself from the race, the competition stops.” Negroes and gentlefolk, there is always, ALWAYS, something that society deems that you’re not fulfilling successfully so why bother keeping to their arbitrarily set rules? Remember that life really is like a play and every actor has a script-specific role; no two parts or paths, or two scripts, can be the same. When it comes to this life, “Na only you waka come!” Resultantly, the only comparison you should make is a comparison with yourself. You should check yourself (before you wreck yo self!) by asking, “Am I growing?” Is there a difference in the state of your life from one year to the next? Is it a positive difference? There should never be the same complaint about you from one year to the next…or you’re not growing. And you know what happens to living things that don’t grow…

Add Value To Others

You cannot do something good for someone else and feel bad about your life because contributing to someone else’s story makes you feel capable, useful and needed. This boosts your confidence. For this sort of thing, it’s far less about your capability but much more about your availability. Be available. Make yourself available.

Do the Right Thing Even if it is the Hard Thing

There is a sense of self-pride that comes from knowing that you didn’t crumble under the weight of pressure. It automatically makes you know that you actually have the strength and capacity to rise above certain challenges this boosts your esteem. It also gives you a track record to rely upon next time a similar challenge comes. And, pride in your capacity makes you feel good about yourself.

This tip isn’t just about you; when you act with integrity consistently, word gets out and that works for you in two ways. For one thing, people tend to respect you for having the strength of character to do the right thing especially when it’s hard and this in itself prompts you to live in a more deliberate manner because now you understand that people think highly of you and you do not want to fall in their estimation. We about that Pegasus life! #HighHorseChilling

Practice A Small Discipline Daily In Any Area Of Your Life

Everyday add something in an area of your life that makes you better. It could be a new word a day or simple information you didn’t know the day before, trying a new recipe or reading an informative article. Just kaizen* the hell out of yourself! (*Kaizen; non-stop, never ending improvement).

Celebrate Small Victories

Be thankful for little things that God has done for you. Definitely look at the big picture of where you want to be, but never forget to celebrate the journey. I met up with my mentor at work last week and when she asked me my goals for the year, I listed a couple of things which included getting a particular grade in my next appraisal. She looked at me with the wisdom of age and said, “You’re making it about the wrong thing. Forget about your grade. Focus on enjoying the work you’re doing and doing your best at it. In that way if you do get the grade you want you’ll be happy…but if you don’t, you’ll still be happy with yourself knowing you at least enjoyed the journey.” Appreciate the small things God does for you because it allows you measure how far you’ve come; track your history and appreciate the little improvements you’ve made and the sacrifices that paid off. Enjoy your life, every time.

Practice The One Word Strategy

Find one word that describes you and remind yourself of this word daily. Think of yourself as that word. Identify, embrace and embody that one word. Consistently remind yourself of that word. For instance, remind yourself, “I am determined!” (if you are determined oh!). It’s self-praise, builds your self-confidence and gives you the strength to face a daunting challenge.

Gotten from my sermon notes from Midweek service at House on the Rock, PH. #PastorLanrefortheWin