“Style is what one wears oneself…what is unfashionable is what other people wear.”
-Oscar Wilde

Fashion Week is upon us…or so Instagram tells me. You don’t realize how relevant and powerful that entire industry is so let me tell you a little bit about it by quoting the amazon, Meryl Streep.

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Screenwriter(s): Aline Brosh McKenna

About Fashion “Stuff”

While deciding between two belts for an outfit, recent college grad and co-assistant Andrea “Andy” Sachs (Anne Hathaway) mentioned that they both looked exactly the same and that she was still learning about “this stuff.” Ruthless, powerful, demanding and cynical fashion magazine Runway editor-in-chief Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep) responded to directly humiliate her:
‘This… stuff’? Oh, ok. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select, I don’t know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don’t know is that that sweater is not just blue, it’s not turquoise. It’s not lapis. It’s actually cerulean. And you’re also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves Saint Laurent, wasn’t it, who showed cerulean military jackets? I think we need a jacket here. And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different designers. And then it, uh, filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic Casual Corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin.
However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs, and it’s sort of comical how you think that you’ve made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you’re wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room from a pile of stuff.

And that kneegrows and gentlefolk, is how you read someone!

So today we’re talking about style.

My style is very individual, bang on trend yet tailored to reflect my personality without necessarily (always) sacrificing my comfort. Basically with fashion, “I does what I wants!” I used to be a designer once upon a time, so I guess it’s not really a surprise. With my trusty sewing machine that sounded like a series of minor bomb explosions tearing the night into shreds and bursting into my neighbours’ dreams without knocking, I spent many a night in uni sewing myself into a dress before hitting the town. I would pack a needle and thread into my little clubbing purse, to the confusion of the bouncers at the door, and try to dance carefully to avoid ripping seams sewn together by stoic threads in amateur hands.

As my contribution to the Fashion Week festivities, I thought I’d make (yet another) list, “How to Shop Wisely and on a Budget” It makes sense as my dream job is to be a personal shopper for someone with lots of money and with my body size…and shape…and face, hell I want to be a personal shopper for me, just me with lots of money and no guilt complex ok?!

So ‘rule’ one, Know Your Body Type.

“To thine own self be true.”

I am boggled by the number of women who just buy a dress because they like it! Just see it on the rack and stretch forth your hands to grab and pay for it?! With your hard earned money?! Step away from that shelf and put your hands where I can see ‘em ma’am! Look, forget what you heard; there is no conspiracy within the fashion world to make bigger women look like homeless hobos!!! There are a wide range of styles and fabrics specifically suited to every body type so how can you venture into the shops without understanding your own body? Actually that’s a discussion for another day, after watching the episode of Orange is the New Black where almost all the women in the prison were shocked to find that the vagina has two separate holes for different functions, I began to understand how very little we ALL know about this machine that serves us all our lives; our bodies.

So know your body. I for instance have slim hips and I’m shaped more in the style of prepubescent male than Coca-Cola bottle and for a while when I was younger, I would be saddened and wonder why I couldn’t just have these hips Nigerian women so readily have and Nigerian men so desperately crave…until I learnt the secret. Fashion is all about illusion. I create the figure I want when I wear my clothes; because I know my body shape, I know how to highlight my best features effectively downplaying the rest. Sure I don’t have wide hips, but my waist is small and so I’m all about those high waist trousers. I’m the queen of the pencil skirt as the tapered shape gives the impression of wider, more proportional hips and emphasizes my slim legs. Sure I don’t have huge boobs but I don’t have broad shoulders either (praise be!), in fact my shoulders are nice so more off shoulders and deep round necks than V necks for me. Like the Wonderbra, it’s all a bit of a scam but shoot, we are dealing the cards we’ve been handed! Anything to help me step into a room and promote silence, I will take!

And trust me, if I know this about my body any woman can figure this out about herself. Understanding my body came with trial and error and many side jabs. For instance one day while watching the Style channel, my dad asleep on the couch, they began talking about what to wear per body type. I thought my dad was asleep until they got to the ‘Pillar’ body shape (that is a shape as straight as the number 1 or capital I), once they called, “Pillar shape”, my father screamed, “Wendy pay attention, this is you!”

Lol, thanks dad!

2. Budget

Second thing to keep in mind when it comes to fashion is budget. I am an absolute cheapskate, like I won’t buy something unless I feel like I have cheated the store and gotten the better deal…or I really (really) like it. When I really like something, I buy it even if it means I will be unable to eat for days afterwards. And all this is done while grappling with buyer’s remorse so deep it feels like grief. (Secret: Although on the surface I’m guilt-ridden, deep inside my soul I am so happy, shielded by the loving warmth new shoes or new clothes bring. Don’t judge may!!!! I’m complicated!).

I put price targets in my mind. For instance, tops nothing more than a £10, bottoms nothing more than a £20, dresses < £30. I look so cheap right now! Lol. Perhaps I need to revise my pricing list as this is my university/pocket money budget. I’m rich now *ahem*. Still though, the way England (and most countries I visit) is set up, you can usually get great things from great stores in your price range…not to talk about on sale! On sales: The patient dog does win the fattest bone. Yes, you think all the better bones are gone but it’s not true. Here’s what you can do when Zara announces 25% off; buy what you like but don’t you dare wear it! Wait! In less than 2 weeks, sales are coming to 50% off then 75% and then basically an ‘Everything Must Go”. Now same thing you bought for £75 is going for £6. No wahala, return it. Walk around the store once to let them put it back on the shelf (they need to clear the store for new stock to arrive, so old £75 is going right back on the shelf. Trust, I worked at Accessorise in first year uni.). Now, buy it back for £6. Yes the sales assistants will judge you but so what?! They’re just mad you got there before they did! #HateTheGameMa!

Again on sales, if I like something that’s ridiculously cheap on sale, I will buy it regardless of the size. Then amend it for a fraction of the price at a tailor’s. If I can’t amend it, I will give a random gift to a sister or friend whose size it is. Everyone’s happy. The end.

3. Avoid Big High Street Branches.

Oh you think H&M on Oxford Street must have EVERYTHING because, “Lawd it’s so huge!” Errr no senorita! Vamos! Let me introduce you to Covent Garden round the corner. It has about three smaller H & Ms empty on a Tuesday morning, quiet on a Wednesday at noon and full of goodies on every day at all times. Don’t go to the main shop on the Covent Garden high street even; you’ve heard what they say about the road less travelled. Follow the winding cobblestones to the smaller hidden H & M away from the prying eyes of hungry Londoners. These smaller, back end shops weirdly have more options because they have fewer customers…and you can imagine what their sales rack looks like! There are Topshop, H & M and Zara things I have that I suspect might have been bespoke tailored for me because I have never ever (ever) seen these things on anyone else. (Ever).

Be a wise shopper.

4. Buy from the Creators

My friend Odiri taught me this trick. Pay a premium to buy Carvela shoes over cheaper shoes from a clothing store (yes Urban Outfitters I see you). From experience, it pays to play to the strengths of the different shops. Some shops sell great lingerie, buy lingerie there. Some shops are renowned for their shoes; please buy your shoes from the real crafters! Sure, you can buy some cheap shoes from Miss Selfridges’ £15 collection to last you the winter trudging from home to uni, however don’t spend £100 on shoes from anywhere but a shoe shop! Please! Few things are as confusing as a beautiful woman in ugly shoes.