Guess what oldie but goodie I found online? A really candid interview, Oprah interviews Maya Angelou. I’ve included some excerpts below, they include a ton of good advice from two very wise women. The rest of the interview can be found here.

Oprah: The big question I have for you is this: Where did your confidence come from? I’ve never seen anybody who exudes more confidence than you, and I don’t mean false, modest bravado, but from the inside out, you’ve got the stuff.

Maya: There are so many gifts, so many blessings, so many sources that I can’t say any one thing—unless that one thing is love. By love I don’t mean indulgence. I do not mean sentimentality. And in this instance, I don’t even mean romance. I mean that condition that allowed humans to dream of God. To make it. To imagine golden roads. That condition that allowed the “dumb” to write spirituals and Russian songs and Irish lilts. That is love, and it’s so much larger than anything I can conceive. It may be the element that keeps the stars in the firmament. And that love, and its many ways of coming into my life, has given me a great deal of confidence about life.

Oprah: So when you walk into a room and heads turn, it’s not just confidence in yourself that we see?

Maya: Oh, no. That’s why, though I was never pretty, I did command something—because of my reliance on life…

Maya: Timidity makes a person modest. It makes him or her say, “I’m not worthy of being written up in the record of deeds in heaven or on earth.” Timidity keeps people from their good. They are afraid to say, “Yes, I deserve it.”

Oprah: I know you don’t believe in modesty.

Maya: I hate it. It makes me wary. Modesty is a learned affectation. And as soon as life slams the modest person against the wall, that modesty drops.

Oprah: So when you hear someone being modest….

Maya: I run like hell. The minute you say to a singer, “Would you sing?” and they say, “Oh, no. I can’t sing here,” I say, “Oops! I wonder, where is that train to Bangkok?”

Oprah: Because?

Maya: Because that person is not reliable. She may not know it, but modesty speaks volumes about falseness.
Oprah: Just listening to you now, I’m thinking, “What is it about Maya?” I think it’s that you know yourself.

Maya: Uh—huh…

Oprah: You know that you are supported by something bigger than yourself. That you are loved. That you have the right to stand up for yourself. And that comes from knowing who you are.

Maya: And I not only have the right to stand up for myself, but I have the responsibility. I can’t ask somebody else to stand up for me if I won’t stand up for myself. And once you stand up for yourself, you’d be surprised that people say, “Can I be of help?”

Oprah: That is true. I love your intolerance of whining. I’ve never forgotten what you told me: “Whining is just unbecoming.”

Maya: It lets the brute know there’s a victim for him in the neighborhood!
Oprah: Is there nothing that frightens you? You never seem to be unsure about anything. Were you always that way?

Maya: You’d be surprised what coming to grips with the fact that you will die does for you…

Oprah: Earlier you were telling me that your life is defined by principles. And one principle you have taught me is that we can’t allow ourselves to be “pecked to death by ducks.”

Maya: That’s true. Some people don’t have the nerve to just reach up and grab your throat, so they just take….

Oprah: Little pieces of you—with their rude comments.

Maya: That’s right.
Maya: I believe that a negative statement is poison. The air between you and me is filled with sounds and images. If that were not so, how is it that I can turn on a television right now and see what’s happening in New York? That means sounds and images are in the air, crowded, jammed up like bats. And Oprah, I’m convinced that the negative has power. It lives. And if you allow it to perch in your house, in your mind, in your life, it can take you over. So when the rude or cruel thing is said—the lambasting, the gay bashing, the hate—I say, “Take it all out of my house!” Those negative words climb into the woodwork and into the furniture, and the next thing you know they’ll be on my skin.

Oprah: The same is true with the positive spirit.

Maya: I believe so…

Maya: People commit errors because they are not present. A few weeks ago, I was down in Atlanta, and my great—granddaughter was running around. I was cutting some onions, and I cut off the end of my thumb! I wasn’t present. I was over there, with my great—granddaughter. You see? I’m a cook—I know what knife and flesh do together. But I wasn’t present. I would encourage women and men to be present—you’ll avoid falling into certain pits. For instance, if you know that a person has just lost his wife or her husband or lover, it’s unlikely that you will say something that will hurt that person’s feelings [if you’re truly paying attention]. You’ll make a sweeter life for yourself and for those around you if you are present.

Oprah: In the moment.

Maya: Yes, ma’am. Very important…

Maya: If you’re in love with your children, you’re in their lives all the time. Leave them alone! Let them grow and make some mistakes. Tell them, “You can come home. My arms are here—and my mouth is too.” Tell them, “I’m going to leave you alone. You want to listen to rock and rap? Well, I think it’s stupid, but help yourself.” When you really love them, you don’t want to possess them. You don’t say, “I love you and I want you here with me.” Naturally, if you love somebody, you do want to see their face every now and again, but that’s not a condition of your love. People often get possession mixed up with love, and they say, “If you really loved me, you would call me.” How—when life is going on? I think of you all the time, and the thought of you always lifts my spirits. But I’m not right at the phone!
Oprah: Do you have any regrets?

Maya: Not a lot. I wish I’d been kinder and funnier, wiser and more generous.

Oprah: Forget that. People flock to your home because of your generosity. Generosity must be a life principle for you.

Maya: Absolutely. I learned it by experience. Again, when I was in my twenties, I was so poor. My son was 4, and we would go to Unity Church, which I am still a part of. If I had seven dollars, I would give a little more of it to the church than I could afford. Then we’d walk from the church back to Safeway.

Oprah: You remember the days of having only seven dollars?

Maya: Absolutely. And no bank account. I’d go to the grocery store with my son and buy two minute steaks with a lot of gristle. I wouldn’t eat my steak, and Guy would say, “Ma, you’d better have some of your steak.” I’d say, “No, you have that. I had something earlier.” And he would inhale it. By nightfall, someone would phone and say, “Listen, I just stopped by the supermarket and I’m on my way past your house, and there was a sale on hamburger meat, so I picked some up for you and I’ll drop it off.” All my life it has been that way.

If you have a napkin, you need another napkin to receive back all the blessings you’ll get. And you keep giving. Then you need a towel to receive all the gifts. And you continue giving. Finally, you need a tablecloth. And you continue giving—not stupidly, but you give. And when you give, you finally have to move out and get a second house, and a third house and a fourth.

Oprah: So you learned to give because of what was given to you.

Maya: Yes, because so much was given to me. It’s amazing. It is a no—fail, incontrovertible reality: If you get, give. If you learn, teach. You can’t do anything with that except do it.