“I will praise You for the awful wonder of my birth! My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth.”

-Psalm 139:13-14 (Amp)

I will shed
all of this
skin down
to the very
bone beneath
it
if thats what
it will take
for you
to come to the
realisation
that appearance
is not what
makes a human
beautiful.

-Christopher Poindexter

I saw this poem on my friend Mena’s Instagram and I was really struck by its truth. It’s funny how as a world, we have elevated beauty to the ultimate virtue. I mean beauty on it’s own is great….as long as we understand that beauty is just one tool in a bulging bag of tricks needed to survive life’s journey. So beauty logically, like money, shouldn’t be sought for itself alone. What I mean is this; it’s easy for you to become derailed by tunnel vision trained at attaining beauty or chasing money to the point where you feel incomplete without these things. Some women are terribly insecure without their ‘face’ on, the same way some men are terribly uncomfortable when they don’t have money; as though these things define the person you are in some way. As if all you have to offer the world is a beautiful face or a deep pocket.

To be honest perhaps if I looked more like Kim Kardashian I might be saying instead that people do NOT value beauty as a talent, virtue and achievement enough, instead of giving what might be considered the Average Girls’ Consolation Speech. Perhaps. But, I really think the reason beauty cannot be truly considered particularly special, a talent, or indeed essentially useful, isn’t because it is not exactly earned (brains aren’t earned either), but because of its fragility.

I’ll tell a story. Once, I met the survivor of a plane crash. I’d been privileged to know her before the accident and can happily list her as one of the most naturally beautiful women I’d known. I mean objectively, that is beautiful by all people’s standards (GQ and their skewed beauty indices included). Her figure was lush; that ripe, womanly Igbo figure Elechi Amadi and co wrote about. Her face was a high yellow, even toned, soft and feminine. In her past life, Igbo warrioirs crossed seven streams and wrestled bottled leopards for her hand (don’t quote me). She knew her worth, or as we say in Nigeria “she know say her market fit sell!!” and she sold well; graceful movements and swaying hips hypnotising the young men daily. I’d join my Ghanaian friends in concluding, “She’s aware!”

And then in a few moments, an accident disfigured, burnt, scarred and maimed her body. Within SECONDS.

The first time I went to the hospital to see her I remember an initial feeling of sharp, guttural sorrow. I could not understand how a person I knew could be so quickly and wholly transformed! Then she spoke and I knew immediately and completely, that a body is nothing. Her voice, mannerisms, laughter, everything was exactly the same. I didn’t realize that until she spoke I had placed such a high premium on the body’s fragile frame, to the detriment of the soul trapped within.

And this is what most of us do daily. Unfortunately most of us react poorly but self-preservingly in response to this physique-driven mentality of our world; we strive to fix our outsides to gain acceptance, attention, love…when our insides are a rioting mess of tangled emotions and questionable motives. I wish we could all find a happy medium, basic self-awareness; an understanding of our self-worth, the value we add to the world just by being who we are. A simple acceptance, a confident assurance that there is a space in the universe that I was specifically designed to fill…and I can fill looking and being exactly the way I am.

Now for the disclaimer, I am a lawyer after all. Before I’m offered a cheque to champion the Burn-A-Bra coalition, I must confess that I Am Not the One. I struggle seriously with perception issues, self-image and just general beauty worries like most women. On most days, I think my eyes are too small, my tummy’s expanding, nose a tad too wide for my liking, confident of never fully growing into my ears….yeah. So, I’m all for glam and girliness and the little tricks and disguises we women use to enhance our Creator’s good work ;). You’re talking to a girl who wore an outrageous red carpet style satin ball gown to a law class SOLELY because it was my birthday, so yeah frivolity and fruitiness? Count me in.

Regardless, I think we have to really be careful about what we let into our psyche. Who we believe when they tell us we are not beautiful (enough) or special (enough). I think Gabriel Sidibe said it best;

“People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl … It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.”

*Off to decorate.*