I’ve been really ill recently, and in addition to a host of merciless antibiotics fed into my bloodstream by seemingly harmless nurses armed with mighty needles *shudders*, my complete recovery is largely dependent on getting rest. The doctor, in her clipped English accent, warned me to live stress-free… laughable really as I live in Lagos. In a bid to avoid the return of said dangerous needles *shudders*, I’ve decided to lighten my workload. So I’m trying to prune my life; I’m reminding myself that I am not a superhero and as much as I would like to think otherwise, I can neither do everything nor save everyone.

Pruning is hard though. What do I take out? Tutoring? Editing school applications? Singing in the choir? Blogging? Drawing? Or just my job?

2013 has been a transformative year. I have gotten everything I needed and I could not be more grateful. Turns out that most of the things I did need were intangible in nature. My 2012 was difficult. I was struggling too much within myself; poisoning myself with so much nonsense, my emotional life was unbalanced, I was struggling (and not winning) a continuous and depressing battle with a mixed cocktail of sins…my space was just polluted. I think I lost things, mind included, for a short time. And so I entered 2013 already worn out and expectantly, with no expectations. Then in the second week of 2013, I went on a retreat that changed my life. For the first time, I was told that “God has needs too.” That sermon by Pastor Moses from The Waterbrook Church, Lagos changed my life. I don’t remember all of it, but I remember him saying this one thing, “God has just one need; AVAILABLE PEOPLE.”

I decided at that moment, in that sandy retreat location far away from the panicked pace of Lagos, that if God thought He could do something, anything, with my broken spirit and confused soul, then He could have them. I was going to make myself available; if he thought I could be useful, I was willing to be used. I started to think of what I could do, how I could contribute my own quota and as soon as I opened myself up and volunteered my time, resource or effort, a useful place was found for me, a useful action, resource, direction was placed in my hand.

There’s a saying by William Arthur Ward that I love, “When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.”
In helping others to draw out their skills to face a challenging job market, supporting my choir family, encouraging my meagre group of motley students to dream bigger and learn wider, sharing my heart with my two initial consistent blog readers (Ant & Eki), I suddenly realised that the negativity I was cloaked with the year before slowly melted. It resulted in some friendships dissolving, some relationships shifting…but lawd, my soul has never in all its twenty-seven years been so sure of itself, so light, so content.

And now, I am being forced to make a difficult decision to prune my life. I must go into 2014 after this transformative 2013, with a clearer focus so that I operate in clarity and achieve with potency. And so my body doesn’t break down again. But I have a problem. A lot of the peace, favour, joy and love that rained on me in 2013 came as a direct result of my life UNpruned. Dare I go into 2014 lighter in burden…but potentially simultaneously lighter in blessing?

How do I find balance?