I found this article via a link on CNN. Yes, I do spend a disturbing amount of time on CNN’s website, and no, that has nothing to do with my deep, deep, DEEP desire to one day be honoured with a CNN Heroes award.

To digress a tad, I watched the most recent CNN Heroes awards ceremony and it just melted my heart; angels live amongst us I tell you! I cried so much that I was just ashamed of myself…especially as I was at work…on my lunch break…crying into my rice in the office’s cafeteria, face contorted like a monkey licking lime. So sad. I’m actually the silliest crier; I will ALWAYS cry at randomness, and then stay stoic when I’m typically expected to cry. For instance, on Sunday while watching the X-Factor with my little cousin, I started crying at the fact that the families of all the contestants surprised them by arriving at a special thanksgiving dinner planned by the show. How. Terribly. Sweet. The look on all the contestant’s faces just broke my heart and fuelled my tear ducts. Suffice to say, my ten-year-old cousin was disgusted, I think he stomped out of the living room muttering something ominous, I just heard “Big babies” and “girls” along with a shudder.

ANYWAY, so on CNN I saw “10 Most Successful Women in Africa” and I opened the link to forward to Anita, to prepare her for her future (it’s really only a matter of time before my sister heads this list). One of the listed women was the beautiful Khanyi Dhlomo, the owner of Ndalo Media which publishes Destiny Magazine. I was curious and googled (btw I think Google will lose its trademark very soon, the word ‘google’ has become a verb) the magazine, and I was really intrigued. Destiny Magazine is very rich in content. It’s a well-rounded read; fashion, lifestyle, politics, culture and more, everything a real woman needs. I’ve always thought that women who know stuff about fashion but nothing about politics and vice versa, for instance, unnecessarily undermine themselves and limit their capacity, so this magazine really spoke to me.

I found this one entertaining article on the site and thought to share. It’s about dating. Funny, the other day Anne and I were having a gist-fest and I said something that made her caution me about being too calculating in love. What I said to her had everything to do with feelings and nothing to do with money by the way. Although, I will admit to scandalising Anne by reminding her soon after she got engaged that she now has some form of security, some independent financial collateral, in the form of her engagement ring in the event that she ever falls into debt. I was joking. Although cynicism aside, pragmatically, the value of a diamond engagement ring will likely appreciate with time. Just saying. Anyways, Anne’s caution brought to mind something Tony (the gentleman) told me once, “Good girls always get found.” I told Anne something along this line. To paraphrase, I repeated Tony’s lines and added that I think its logical to position yourself adequately, to make being found easier. Think about it, helping our brothers in their task is our Christian duty, no? Lol.

In the article below though, I have to say that I think the writer is perhaps the architect of her own singleness; there was no justifiable reason to not give the young man a second chance after her failed first date. Or perhaps that’s the right way to go…leave the sinking Titanic before it strikes the iceberg? Who knows?

“Modern Dating

I recently went on an unsuccessful date with a successful man. Throughout the entire date, which started in the afternoon and ended in the early evening, he spoke solely about himself… writes columnist MILISUTHANDO BONGELA

He darted from the subject of his political beliefs to enlightening me on various theories by scholars of certain theoretical schools of thought…. “But this is a date”, I kept thinking to myself. He is an intellectual of a reputable order and an orator in a brand of conversation I welcome on most days, in the appropriate environment.

But in this awkward rendezvous, I felt like he was trying to recruit and not seduce me, as I nodded and smiled with each new subject, masking a serious desire to laugh out loud at what was happening to me and waiting for the conversation to thaw into something, anything personal.

But it didn’t. Finally, I pounced on an opportunity to speak during one of his pauses and asked, “Are you done with your soliloquy?’’ He simply looked at me, took a sip of his drink, flashed a ‘campaign smile’ and continued talking as if I had just begged him to continue his performance.

After this failed seduction, I made it clear to him that I am not interested in pursuing anything more than a friendship, if even. I expressed my concern with the fact that he knew no more about me than he did at the beginning of the date and still, he did not ask questions about my life. Instead, he expressed a great interest to see me again and that I should not judge him based on this first encounter. What I wanted to say was: ‘’Ain’t nobody got time for that’’. But what I said was, “No, we can see each other again as friends but unfortunately this is a mismatch.’’ I wasn’t disappointed at the end of it because I seized the opportunity to communicate my concerns and we ended it on amicable terms.
But the highlight of my evening was yet to come. As one does, I went home and texted a girl friend the details on the date. It’s a laughable state of affairs for single women in this city because her response sums it up: At Least You Went On A Date!

The truth of the matter is, it’s rare to get asked out on a date by a suitable man not only in Johannesburg, but also in other urbanised democratised societies. And a lot of us are stuck asking why? We are successful, beautiful, and smart and most importantly, we like ourselves. These single girl colloquiums usually end up in laughter despite the serious undertone of bewilderment that we all feel as we yearn for witnesses to our still firm breasts, our delicious cooking and our daily nominal experiences.
Perhaps the real question we should be asking is: Is it realistic for us to expect men to ask us out on dates, in the traditional patriarchal sense that a woman must let the man lead the sexual pursuit, when we are continuously asserting ourselves and excelling in spaces that were deemed by patriarchy, as male dominated spaces such as the corporate employment sector or even the ‘’traditional’’ homestead?
If we have the ability to own a share of those spaces and be independent of men for our physiological provisions, has the time not come for us to think about claiming the dating space as ours too instead of waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for him to text you first and waiting for him to ask you out? Waiting shifts the power to the person you are waiting for which is why I think some of us feel so despondent. So what are we waiting for? I’m not saying I’m going to call up my crush and ask him on a date tomorrow, but maybe it’s time to question our positioning in this matter.”