So, I went to my favourite online Bible site, http://www.biblegateway.com, to quickly fetch some scripture for the Scripture page of this blog and their ‘Verse of the Day’ caught my eye. It is the infamous Proverbs 31: ‘Hymn to a Good Wife’, apt as today is Mother’s Day in America. I haven’t ever read this scripture in the Message version before, but reading that just now brought this scripture alive to me in a new way.

The woman that is described here is honestly worthy of all praise! Wow! I’m like, “Who is this woman?! Can I be her friend?!” Lol. Her love for her family is so beautifully evident. I love that, in a way that is markedly different from the world’s, beauty has not been elevated to a virtue. In fact beauty of itself is warned against “…beauty is deceitful and charm is fleeting.” Meaning that though the Wise Man understands that these things are present and valued, they are not the source of the good woman’s value, they do not determine her worth.

Speaking of value, I think reading this proverb, you cannot help but be struck by how much of her actions are a reflection of the value she places in herself. “…She senses the worth of her work”. B.O.O.M! She understands that she matters, she counts, that she is invaluable, that she is worthy. I love it.

Something else that really struck me is the fact that although this woman is so driven and full, her life incredibly enriched, she greatly esteems and honours her husband. They understand each other so deeply; each one knowing what is at the core of the other’s being, even those things which the person has hidden from himself/herself. As a result, the Bible says that her husband “”…trusts her without reserve and has no reason to regret it.” I love that. Today something really hit me during the sermon at church (the sermon was so incredibly sensible! More on that later).

I realised that I pray to God to get married and get married to a good man; one who loves me, respects himself and fears God. It is yet to happen and sometimes I wonder whether my prayers get through to Him, whether He is merely deliberately holding out or ignoring me by keeping me waiting or perhaps has just lost that one desire in my plethora of needs. But I am slowly coming to understand that the same event that is a trial for us, is an opportunity for temptation by the devil…and God’s strategy to test us. Your reaction is what makes that one even good or bad, your reaction to issues exposes what is truly in your heart…not for God’s sake, as He already knows, but for your own sake; to help you truly see your weaknesses and change.

So I began to think, could it be that God is working on me before He gives me what I want? We have to remember that God is not going to give you what you are incapable of handling. I hear a voice ask me if I have the capacity to handle a marriage. I respond with a resounding, “OF COURSE!” I mean really, even if I am not ready, my ovaries are ready and capable. Lol!

Then God reminded me of something I have been praying about, my difficulty with submitting to authority. I struggle to acquiesce to rules that I do not think are reasonable…yet sometimes, wisdom dictates that we do not fight every battle we are invited to. Sometimes, wisdom and maturity mean accepting without conceding, it means acceptance with neither resignation nor resentment. Or an attitude. Am I capable of submitting to a husband or am I honestly, still in the process of being worked on?

BOOM.

I am incredibly analytical and I think I am quite logical. I like things to make sense, and so I often want to reason and rationalize everything. Maybe it’s the lawyer bit of my brain seeping into everything else. This attitude sometimes results in me speaking out of turn or being rude, sometimes I will step over people’s feelings to get to a logical conclusion, sometimes I will speak over you because my solution to the problem is more sensible…to my way of thinking. Perhaps I misunderstand what is happening, but I really think that God puts adversity to test us, to build character for the future that He sees for us. And so again I asked myself, if I need to perhaps keep my focus right now on disciplining myself and learning to submit myself to those God has placed over me to guide and guard me. Perhaps I should bifurcate my prayers for myself; yes pray for a good husband and a good family (even if I don’t my mother is actively praying to carry my children soon. Lol)…but also, pray for capacity to handle the desire of my heart.

Remember that the person that God will bring to you is also His child. This person has been praying for the best for Himself. God is not going to introduce me to someone’s life when I do not have the capacity to do more than merely confuse, stress and breed unhappiness in another child of God’s heart. Remember that my significant other, like me, is also loved by God and God is also responsible for guaranteeing my fiance’s happiness. I need God to work on me so that all I bring to someone else’s life is His love and grace, not complication or unhappiness. I need to be ready so Lord, work on me as you want. I understand that the purpose of this period, is to focus on building myself…not on complaining to God during the wait. Lol. Right now, in this very place that I am, the purpose of the place and of this period is that I learn how to be a better woman first; understand my value and my place, build wisdom, develop capacity first, before I start my journey as a wife or a mum. The purpose is to build myself to truly be worthy of being called ‘Hepzibah’, the delight of the Lord/ the one created for God’s delight/ a woman who God takes delight in.

The Hymn of the Good Wife

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.

She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.

She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

-Proverbs 31:10, 27-28 MSG