So, I did not know who Chuck Norris was until this afternoon. *crickets and judgment*. I’m not sure if that has to do with my age or interests or…lol I don’t even know, apparently there is no excuse for not knowing about the great Chuck Norris. Not even my defence of being a girly-girl is sufficient according to my friend and colleague, Sheriff. He was so scandalized by my apparent ignorance that I was forced to research on the said Mr Norris. Quite an enjoyable task that resulted in this post:
45 Chuck Norris Facts
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it is just afriad to move.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke….that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris….the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake…….. After three days of pain and agony ………………the rattle snake died
The climate requires Chuck’s permission to change.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris went into a maze… the maze got lost
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built.
Chuck Norris abducts aliens.
If you are stuck on a test and you don’t know the answer to a question, write in Chuck Norris. The answer is always Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris jumped off a building once. The ground didn’t make it…
Chuck Norris can give aspirin a headache.
A meteor did not kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris just went on a hunting trip
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norriss’ calandar goes from march 31st to april 2nd cause nobody fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Great Brtain used to be just ‘Britain’ until Chuck Norris liked it on Facebook.
Oh Wendelyn! 