Today was a big day for me. I have been thinking a lot about my career and I have finally decided that I have to leave and try my hand at something else. Now, after I came to that decision, the ‘something else’ became an issue. Eventually, my “..something else” became the prison that kept me from seriously considering taking a leap of faith, I kept thinking that I would wait until I had everything figured out, especially that elusive “…something else”, before resignation day.

Excuses, excuses.

Trust that as I discovered what “…something else” was, I formed another excuse to stay on at my job. I value security. Although I would almost always rather be safe than sorry, I couldn’t stop being restless; this daily stagnancy, the pent-up unfulfilment, the abiding inertia ate me. I slowly began to understand that there is one thing I value over my security; my happiness.

Today, I told my mother that I am quitting my job to join the family business. She responded with an unshakeable “No”. I dared not ask what question she was answering, lol, just proceeded to give her my reasons and plans for the subsequent stages of my life.

Telling my mum about my proposed career change is monumental because it moves it from merely an idea I’m toying with amongst my friends, to something I have to see through to the end. I’m beginning to understand that it isn’t really about anyone else but me. Everyone has only one opportunity to live, only one life to live. I can’t live the life that everyone hopes that I will live and ignore the life that I was created to live. If I do, Who will captain MY ship? Who will fulfil my destiny?

I detailed my plans, short and long-term goals, to my mummy. The woman is formidably clever. Every argument I had on this issue, she countered with cogent and coherent reasons that built a case against my proposed business. It was crushing originally, as rejection often is. After I dropped the phone, I just sat on my bed, in my underwear and in true Dramatic Barbie style, I just cried into my raised thighs, looking like a video vixen in a Craig David video.

Despite her initial reaction, I kept explaining myself until she got it. She became ‘tentatively encouraging’. Her attempt to empathise, made me understand that at the core, all my parents want for me is security because they won’t that may not always be there to protect me. As my mum spoke, I couldn’t help but think that Fear must be the fastest super hero; its effects are instantaneous and deadly. I could sense it spreading its tentacles over my mum’s mind, colouring her words and blanketing her eyes. To my parents, and to a large extent for me, security and happiness are fused, they are not merely mutually beneficial concepts.

But, I have decided that I must separate this fusion. I need to understand and appreciate this truism; no ‘security’ is truly secure. Anything can happen, tomorrow is always uncertain.

I have decided that from the moment I quit (which is still in the future!) its “Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero…”:

“…Sieze the day and place no trust in tomorrow. “

P.S: Thank you so much Ire for showing up like a Guardian Angel and giving me great and apt advice on following passion and the fear of failing. You are a gentleman and a gentle man.