“I am young and you are old, so I held back from telling you what I think. 7 I thought, ‘Those who are older should speak, for wisdom comes with age.’ 8 But there is a spirit[b] within people, the breath of the Almighty within them, that makes them intelligent. 9 Sometimes the elders are not wise. Sometimes the aged do not understand justice. 10 So listen to me, and let me tell you what I think.”
-Elihu (Job 32:6)

I had a discussion with my friend, Goz, a while ago on discrimination in the Nigerian work place. She argued that the core strand of discrimination prevalent in Nigeria is sexual; express or implicit. I begged to differ. The inappropriate advances I get every other day from a certain gentleman at work are suffered by every other woman in the office. Harassment of a sexual nature? Perhaps. Yet, I am neither frightened nor disturbed by said man as he is largely humorous and certainly harmless; in fact, he assures us that his bark is worse than his bite. Boy, I don’t even want to know! What I do know for sure, is that the only form of discrimination I have experienced is culture-symptomatic. It is atypical, a unique specie of the genus discrimination that somehow successfully combines a unique blend of pervasive yet immanent traditional rules, evasive ethnicity and astounding ageism. I will only focus on ageism here and perhaps tackle the other corrosive parts of this weird combined-discrimination, in a different post.

One absolutely mental defect of our culture is the foul habit of giving respect where none is due. There are few things more irrational than our abiding belief in the entitlement of certain persons to ‘rightness’ solely by virtue of age, indeed by virtue of anything but merit, logic and sound judgment. I think it is sad to note that in this day where the youth are leading innovation, creating dynamic industries, being impactful, Nigeria so easily disparages the voice of its youth. I understand that respect of elders is an ingrained part of our culture and I adore that, but let us examine the root of this reverence of age for a moment.

What is the root of respect for elders? It is as a result of our belief in their perceived or exhibited wisdom and expertise gleaned by virtue of experience. That sounds worthy of practice. Following this reasonable root to its logical conclusion, why don’t we operate on a ‘show and prove’ basis rather than slavishly following the rule of respect? Why don’t we revere wisdom and expertise above age, for every adult is not an elder; let their wisdom in words and expertise in action show and prove. And more importantly, let us all exercise discernment and initiative and scrap this “…because he said so/that’s how we do it here” mentality. I definitely believe that all people, especially anyone older than I am, should be treated with courtesy and politeness. However, I don’t believe in slavish respect to the detriment of truth, my morality or indeed my self-respect. Furthermore, I believe we send a dangerous message in Nigeria by consistently breaking the spirits of young people in the name of training them to have ‘respect’ for their elders. I believe Sefi Atta says it best.

“Parents beat out of love, it was said. Teachers beat, neighbours beat. By the time a child turned 10, the adults they knew would have beaten out any cockiness that could develop into wit; any dreaminess that could give birth to creation; any bossiness that could lead to leadership. Only the strong survive; the rest would spend their life searching for initiative. This was what it took to raise an African child, a village of beaters, and yet if someone put their hands around a child’s neck, and applied the slightest pressure, someone else would accuse them of wickedness, because strangulation had nothing to do with discipline.”

-‘Everything Good Will Come’, Sefi Atta

The Igbos have a proverb, “If a child washes his hands, he may eat with kings.” Many young people have washed their hands, why won’t we still give them access to the porridge bowl?

I remember a humorous anecdote my friend, Irede, told me once about young Nigerian men growing beards in a bid to look older. The story landed us in the middle of a discussion on the related issues of ageism and opportunities for able, young Nigerian men. The consensus was that in Nigeria, young men are considered too young to handle substantial matters. Men in their twenties are called “babies” by people with power in government agencies. Men in their thirties are considered “children”. Yet it is the men in their 40’s and 50’s that are considered able-bodied “ YOUTH”, these are the capable men worthy of handling meaty contracts. Come on, if nothing else surely we see that there is a problem in a nation where the Minister of Youth and Sports are usually well into their 50’s! Wearing a face cap, jeans and a T-shirt at youth rallies is insufficient qualification, Sir. #JustSaying.

There is a problem in the nation and the youth will always be discontent by the state of things considering the actions of older Nigerians edge the youth out of the politics of the nation, out of matters that so closely affect us! Come to think about it, some of our most notorious military leaders came into power in their late twenties or early thirties! Furthermore, almost everyone God used- particularly in the Old Testamen- was young. To put it in today’s context is crazy. Mary might have been about 13, David, Jeremiah, Daniel and friends would have been teenagers… like well below 20!

“O Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I can’t speak for you! I’m too young! 7 The Lord replied, “Don’t say, ‘I’m too young,’ for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. 8 And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!”
-Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1:6)

This corrosive ageism isn’t present solely in the public sphere, nope! We see a most violent strand of the same in private practice. At work for instance, I see people take offence with juniors for tiny offences. Far funnier is the practice of terming self-defence, rudeness. You tell me off, I try to explain myself and defend my actions and I am termed rude. Why? Oh, you’d rather I begged for forgiveness first and then when you’re calmer, seeing as you’re a senior, I can come explain myself? Oh ok then.

What if I’m not sorry though?

I do not see the point of having a mind if one will not be expected to utilise it in one’s defence, at the very least. As I am neither a sheep nor a mature billy-goat, I will not apologise solely to massage your disturbingly enlarged ego especially when said ego is largely puffed due to your age. No one merits old age, you’re just lucky to be alive. I notice that the word ‘disrespect’ is too often used as a generic term when it is largely subjective and determined by an individual’s sensitivity. One Nigerian too many enjoys abusing power no matter how little; the Big-manism/Yes-ma’ism, especially in Nigeria, even in professional settings, is worrying. Show and prove.

I must caveat here though. My firm strives at all times to be professional. Some workers however, from time to time, fail. -_- #Human #StruggleStory #InFairness

All this made me think of something; our tendency as Nigerians to fear and judge anything that is different or challenges the norm is disturbing. In high school, I sometimes got in trouble for being rude. Growing up, although Mummy wouldn’t take any disrespect, we were always encouraged to ask, to think, to question things. Of course there were many questioned that brokered a “Don’t ask things like that!” or even an “IBIBIGBAIN!” (Kalabari for ..”shut up!”), despite these, we were certainly encouraged to be curious. Now when I look back to my days in secondary school, I realize that too many things that I know now were simply childish folly, were heavily condemned as rude and I was punished accordingly. Truly, if I didn’t have more of a spine, my spirit would have been broken and I might have become more introverted and afraid. Fast forward to my time in an English boarding school after secondary school in Nigeria, I found that that same fervor that led to me being labeled “rude” in Nigeria, had me termed “passionate” in England.

I was absolutely shocked. “No, no you don’t understand, I am rude! “ I told Mr. Pritchard. “I speak my mind, I ask questions when you tell me to be quiet, I stand up for myself…and everyone else too if necessary! I am rude oh!” I said. But they refused to hear. Instead, they said. “You are passionate…and that is ok.” My tendency to question everything, to argue, to stand up for myself, were channeled into the debating society and eventually the Student Representative Council, thanks to teachers who saw me for what I really was; a child. They saw a child seeking for clearer direction, in need of wisdom and moderation. Not a threat to their precocious authority.

I understand now just how much molding was needed. I remember when I got to the LSE, one of my professors commented very early on in my first year, “Wendy has a lot of RAW intelligence…it will be refined here.” And that is the power of good teachers. Being a teacher is more than merely teaching, it must involve educating. The word ‘education’ comes from the root word ‘educare’ meaning ‘to draw out a skill’. A lot of Nigerian teachers are destroying our children. Sefi Atta’s quote above really reasonated with me. I am seriously considering home-schooling my kids for their first few years because I honestly believe that if I can impart in them some core values, and train them to imbibe a culture of creativity and curiosity very early on, their will, spirit and initiative will remain intact despite Society’s best efforts. That is perhaps why the mentoring scheme I’m setting up for the youth movement at church is so important to my heart. I just know that at the Underground Church are waiting Wendys in need of refining. I don’t know that I am the best person for the job but I am sure as hell going to try my best to be.