“A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity”. Proverbs 17: 17

I’ve been trying to write this post for a while but I’ve been unsure how best to couch the thoughts that have been roaming, unbidden, in my head. So, I figured I’d just put all the dislocated thoughts down just as they are. Welcome to my mind…leave shoes by the door please…

Friendship.
As we grow older, sometimes our ideals change, our perspectives broaden, new experiences teach us to want more for ourselves, more of the people we surround ourselves with. I have always been very blessed to have extremely good friends. But you know sometimes when you’re growing up, you can’t take everyone along with you. People grow at different paces and sometimes older friends, who know where you’re growing from…don’t really know where you’re growing to…or indeed why you HAVE to grow. So for instance when you change in line with a new paradigm your heart is sensing, sometimes some friends don’t understand the movement. They know you, and they know you well so they can tell you, first-hand, that this your ‘change’ won’t work/can’t last/is futile etc. Many times they speak from a place of love; I mean, they know you! They understand your limitations and won’t standby and watch you fail. They’ve shared your memories, they know your story, understand your history…so, perhaps they understand best why your character changes are more likely than not to fail. They know you! Lol. They know you have always been inconsistent to your commitments, they know you are a little left of centre, they understand that you mean one thing but say another, they’ve witnessed your lack of focus etc. They know you WELL!!

* Enter new friends*

New friends meet you mid-change. They don’t know any better and so they take you for what you tell them you are. They don’t know your history, so have nothing but your Now to measure you against. New friends are the tabula rasa of life. Unlike old friends, they don’t realise that you lack the willpower, discipline, focus, blahblahblah to change. So there they go encouraging you and pushing you towards your expressed goal…as if you can actually change even if you wanted to. They have no idea about your past, but because you haven’t failed them (yet!), they are so certain of your future…and all they say to you is “G.R.E.E.N!!”. For them, regarding you, there are no red lights. And slowly, you start to believe it yourself. That’s the power of a true friend; they drag out the king in you, kicking and screaming sometimes.

I thought I’d start doing a little Shout-Out piece from time to time, on different friends that have been a big part of my life. I am quite cold, and hardly tell the important people how valuable they are to me. Most of my friends don’t read this blog, so I feel some safety in shouting them out on the world wide web. Lol. So, here it goes…

I have such good friends, when I pray, I lift up my friends in sincere, earnest gratitude to God. It’s so weird to find that in the last few years, I have made some invaluable friendships that I never would have thought possible because I already had my ‘core clique’; people I’d know from pre-puberty years. This is not an old friends v. new friends post, because most of my old friends understand me exceptionally well and are frighteningly supportive. It’s just that I am so awed by God’s goodness to me by even further enriching my life with more amazing people, who have been exactly what my soul needed at the time it needed it. There is power in the known…but there is also incredible power in the unknown. Sometimes, you need that newness, people that dont have your history…so when you say you’re breaking out of your known path, they don’t just say “Be Careful, remember when….”. No, they tell you “Journey mercies! God speed!”

My friend Ngozi is in the middle of the old and new schoolers. We went to high school together, lost touch and regained contact weirdly. We both moved to London for university and started sporadic correspondence. And then at the end of first term, first year, I lost a little sister. Ngozi rang me and asked me if she could come over A.S.A.P. We met at Holborn tube station; her with a box of Krispy Kremes, me with a box of broken dreams. We stood in the December frost and I admitted aloud for the first time, that I was terrified of returning to my college room…where I’d heard news of the death. The room seemed haunted by heavy memories of melancholic meditations. And just like that Ngozi marched into my room, and my heart, and never left. She is an amazing woman, we have been through every thing and back…and we’re still here. She is someone I show my truest self to, unashamedly and totally unafraid, because long before she will judge me, she will love me.

Christiana.
Christiana and I bonded over a shared love for the TV series, Girlfriends. Strangely enough, our friendship developed when we were oceans apart, with the help of two trusty blackberry phones. Christiana’s wisdom and wit, are truly incomparable. I am honestly amazed by the depth of her understanding and brilliance. And compassion. And weirdness in general. Lol. This is a woman that leaves encouraging notes in random places around London, to cheer people up. On some level, and for a long time, I think we unknowingly acted as each other’s shrinks. We didn’t know each other very well and we didn’t have many mutual friends so I guess we could talk to each other freely about things we may not have told our actual close friends. Soon, an abiding friendship blossomed and I have come to count her wisdom as a crutch I can lean on. Heavily, often times. Lol. (See Christiana’s random notes here: http://instagram.com/p/VT5pe2oL7e/ and http://www.christianam.tumblr.com).

Anthonia.
Anthonia is the only one of these girls that reads this blog. Her first reaction on reading was “I will not rest until I make it unto your quotes page!” Lol. (She had, but didn’t even recognise her own quote!). I am not sure how or indeed when Ant came, but came she did…and I’m grateful she’s never left. Ant has a LARGE heart…yet she is pint-sized. She is the oldest of six children and somehow manages to make difficult things seem so incredibly easy! I love Anthonia because somehow, she is able to always see the best in me. And truly, this is a gift that encourages me to fly; I swear, when you have a real supporter, impossible is nothing. She says, she decided to be friends with me because she liked how I dressed. I say I decided to be friends with her because she laughed at my jokes. We are utterly shallow. Utterly shallow + utterly shallow= deep friendship.

There are a few more people, and over time I will share their friendship stories and what they mean to me. It’s unfortunate that I don’t tell them enough, but they are most loved and so valued, I am me only because they are them:-)

“The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are”.
-C.S. Lewis