Yesterday, I had an interesting chat with my cousin, Kilali. Kilali has been a part of my life since…forever and for as long as I’ve known her, she has wanted to be a doctor. I remembered a time when we were little, I told her that she would make a fantastic doctor because she could always make people laugh. She’s still very funny. She is also a doctor. When I was little, I always answered the “What do you want to be when you grow up” question with a chirpy “A LAWYER!”. Blood, sweat and tears later, here I am, a lawyer!

We’ve come a long way and it is so easy to forget, especially in the face of hardship, that some of your dreams have actually come true. We often fail to remember the faithfulness of God in leading us milestone after milestone in our lives. The hymn Count Your Blessings, is based on truth.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself to bask in the euphoria of my achievement when I succeed. More often than not, I find myself rushing away in search of the next mountain to climb. In doing this, I often forget how delicious my victory was at that very moment where I could not stop swallowing joyful tears. All of a sudden I am so distracted by challenges I am yet to face that my older accomplishments fade. The world encourages me to be quiet about my successes; “don’t be TOO…much/boastful/proud/aggressive”. So, I stay quiet about my hard-won successes and join in the belief that they amount to almost nothing. I downplay those hard-fought victories that God won for me yet I pray for new strength, courage and patience to face my new challenges forgetting that everything I need for this new battle, I have already deployed before. I forget that everything I need is already in me, it has saved me once before and is able to do the same again. Yet, I keep looking outside of myself for purpose, virtue, validation.

I want to learn to look inside my heart when I am anxious and afraid, to stroll down Memory street and retrieve character, fortitude, hope and much more from my former victories. I want to listen to myself, to trust my decisions…to really understand the truth that inside I carry a powerful light, a light formed, shaped and tested by challenges that I have survived. Finally, I want to teach myself that it is okay to let this light shine, to be 100%, to not scale back , to not give less than my full potential for fear of ridicule, criticism, failure. I want to let my light shine and if I hear complains that my light is blinding, I want to be able to reply “Well, where your Ray-bans at bruh?!”. Lol.

Imagine a world set alight by billions of liberated human souls. I think that’s God’s hope for His world.

Our Greatest Fear

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

Lol

Photo credit: http://lightningpaul.shutterchance.com/image/2010/05/17/images-of-water-theme-2-of-4/