The older you grow, the more likely to come to pass your fears become. Your silly ones like never disabusing yourself of the need to suck your thumb when you sleep, or more serious anxieties like losing someone you love. In essence, life happens. I’ve learnt far more about myself in darker times than at any other point in life. Painful times are like being on a condensed course in Sorrow with electives in Resilience and Strength building.

One of the things I hate most about Sorrow is her bald-headed companion, Fear. That instant, pervading and permanent feeling that engulfs you from the moment one of your hidden fears becomes a reality. Your heart stops, your head spins, the air in your lungs escape your lips in a hurry, your hands shake…your tear ducts squeeze but nothing comes out…as if your watermen are too lethargic with grief to release fluid. Your body, mind and soul wilts in defeat as you think of 101 things left unsaid/said/couldadonebetters or oughtnottohaves. You’re hurting but you’re too shocked to cry or even link the building blocks of alphabets into words to share your pain or express your rage. Your heart feels like a paper weigh, heavy and hollow. I hate the entire process. I hate that very first moment of vulnerability, when your soul initially suspects that sorrow is probable and imminent; that terrible trepidation you live with right before the full extent of your upcoming hurt is unveiled is horrible.

But I’ve found that day by day, after the realization hits, when it has settled and fits you snugly like your favourite LBD, you slowly begin to look behind you; not with horror, confusion or sorrow, but with a clearer perspective, a deeper understanding of yourself and others, new appreciation for life. The process is hard but the lessons you learn are invaluable.

-Most important lesson is the sufficiency of myself. I understand that I am enough; do you like who you are when you’re alone?

-“I am sorry” is not a weapon of battery. Dn not wield it to enforce compliance with your wishes or force forgiveness from another.

-“I am sorry” is also neither magic wand nor giant eraser. The underlying problem often remains.

-Ultimately, you can only control and are only accountable for your actions so keep your side of the street clean, always.

-Be fair to those you hurt and those who hurt you. Remember especially, to be fair to yourself. You make mistakes, you do wrong, take responsibility, make amends and move on.

-Leave it to the Finisher of Our Faith to work things out. God impresses me time and time again with His uncanny ability to steadily work things out in a way that benefits me in the end; the secret is to ask consistently through the pain “…show me the lesson here! Please!” Otherwise all that sorrow is simply time wasted. *Shakes head vehemently* I MUST learn something if only so I can feel like I defeated the situation a little. I’m competitive like that.

The entire point of this article, was to get to this final point…What I Like Best About Pain.

The education it brings and the empowerment that follows heartbreak and loss of any sort, is invaluable. It is like your body develops an immunity, the possibility of your Self being attacked again of course always remains, but you’re more knowledgeable in self-preservation. More than that if you listen to the still, small voice inside, you realize that you have a new-found confidence; not in things or people but solely in yourself, in your abilities to survive time and time again. Suddenly you feel invincible, and I think that’s what every human has at their core; a strength and resilience that will always let you survive… if you Let Yourself Learn.

*Picture by Shirley Eniang, meek-n-mild.com